The last seven days for me have been emotionally taxing. Many of you have complained that my blog, whilst succeeding in being somewhat entertaining, is generally impersonal and cold. Sorry, it wasn't originally meant to be a diary.
Generally, I try to be a good person. Lately, I feel like I'm Myungizing myself. For those of you not familiar with the verb, I just made it up - and you have to know Myung. Let me retell just the short story of a dude named Myung.
Myung fell in love with a girl long time ago, and he was badly burned. The scars stayed for a long time and afterwards, it was very difficult for him to open up or show any weakness, partly in fear of getting burned again, partly because he had been burned so bad. As a result, he began burning other chicks. It was a defense mechanism.
I, on the other hand, have been in a series of long-term relationships that, as Stanley says, "makes me exhausted just fucking thinking about you." I have burned, and I have also been burned. This week is a reality check.
I am changing as a man. I try to be a good person, I really do. But I can't afford to burn anymore - I don't have the time and I definitely don't have the energy. So as of right now, I am an asshole. I rarely write personal shit in this blog, but this will be an exception, and I'm only writing it as a warning. I am now an asshole. I don't have the time and I don't have the energy to deal with emotion. I have hours of work to finish, and I'm approaching the single craziest semester I will ever have in my entire life. Apart from my close friends, and at that only the platonic ones, I do not care for you. I have no interest in anything else, I have no interest in anybody else. So if you're not on my speed-dial, fuck off.
"Love is impossible. If it was possible, it wouldn't be love."
-Ned Rorem
Inspired simultaneously and erratically by the blog thoughts of both Stanley Lee and Ned Rorem.
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