I feel like a feminized dickless pansy just writing shit like this, because in reality, I'm an emotionless gangster who steps on roaches whose tentacles don't move parallel to each other.

One chapter of New York City today has ended. Tomorrow starts a new one. Goodbye Amy and Earl. I miss you both.

"...to turn away from the soulless life of the present towards those substances and ideas which give free scope to the non-material strivings of the soul" - Kandinsky, 1911.

However, in writing that, I just realized, I am very good friends with a half-Chinese/half-straight white boy. Odd.

Stereotypes of people with whom I seem to get along, or not. Immediately.

I get along easily with: Korean fobs, gay boys, and intelligent European musicians.

I don't get along easily with: Chinese fobs, straight white guys, and dumb European musicians.

On self.

Maybe you (directed collectively, toward "us") function as a direct outcome of what you once did in the past, just to be "cool."

If you once smoked, because you thought it was cool, you kept doing it, and eventually, it wasn't to be cool anymore. You became, a smoker. Same with drinking.

If you once fought, because you thought it was cool, you kept doing it, and eventually, it wasn't to be cool anymore. You became, a fighter.

Maybe the truest part of you is the part you never did to be cool. Everything else that is learned can be unlearned. I never thought playing piano was "cool," mainly because it wasn't. Classical music, inherently at its core, is not cool. But that's what I became. A pianist.

On seeing old faces.

Sometimes I wonder how much correlation there is between facade and truth, particularly in human persona. Some of the best people I know are absolute scary bitches on the outside, albeit, truly good people on a basic moral level. On the other side; sweet nice people....how many can you say are absolute bitches?

The old Korean saying. I enjoy this one. "I stay away from shit not because I'm afraid of it, but because it's dirty."

I've decided, I hate people. All people. Just people in general, actually.

I've spent so much time reading beautiful music in the last few days. I feel saturated with musical happiness. And grumpy as shit in every other regard.

Don't tell me to smile. I don't fucking feel like it. But if you'd like to see it, let's play some music.

Thanks Amy/Earl/Mikey/Jessica/Mark/Mihai/Jordan/Lizzy/Elly.

I apologize to everyone for losing my temper so often in the last few weeks. I shouldn't do that, and in the future, I'll try not to let it happen again.

I love you all. Thank you to everyone; you all know who you are. You keep me sane. This includes my mother.