Good motherly advice from my mother:

charcoalj: u can screw women without giving a fuck
charcoalj: women get attach when they screw
charcoalj: and they wont even screw you unless they are emotionally attached
car LOCO 69: you should relax
charcoalj: ok
charcoalj: but do not screw them
charcoalj: dont fuck them
charcoalj: go out with them- but dont get them emotionally involved with u
charcoalj: and dont have sex with them
charcoalj: once u get sexually involve with a girl-they think it is real
charcoalj: well if u fuck them-u r giving them something to hold on to
charcoalj: and dont under estimate the power of messed up girls
charcoalj: u can get them pregnant
car LOCO 69: jesus christ, relax
car LOCO 69: i don't wanna talk about this anymore
charcoalj: u r 23 but u r always my son

The most abominably unfair difference between the life of a musician and the normal (non-musician) is that for the rest of our lives, we will never have a vacation longer than two weeks. And for some fucked up strange reason, that doesn't really matter to us, usually because we fill ourselves with contorted self-justifications that more-or-less boil down to something relating to 'emotional enjoyment' or some other bullshit.

But yes, it's true. Musicians a) never retire. We work until the day we die; teaching, playing, etc. b) can't bear the thought of more than two weeks from our instruments.Even if we deny it.

A lot of you musicians are sitting there going "not really. Just last month I went a whole two weeks without practicing." Probably. But did not you just not play? More than likely you read through some chamber music with friends, fiddled around with some scales and then got bored, attended some brainless mandatory orchestra rehearsal, whored yourself to some useless gig that gave you rent money, taught some ineptly retarded secondary-student, or participated in some form of the like.

Seriously try and remember the last time you went a full 14 days without touching your instrument completely. You were probably 15 years old, maybe younger. And if you have gone 14 days in the recent past, you probably have some wild story you brag about to your friends about how you once went that long without doing it and then you came back, and your hands felt like jello. "It was great, such a relief" you tell your friends. But you're not really fooling anybody. Deep down inside, you felt like shit and you thought your technique was going to hell. .....then again, you could just be a brass player.

But face the facts. We musicians will never have a vacation. It's not possible. The rest of our lives are chained to our instruments, whether you like it or not.

"When I go one day without practicing, I know. When I go two days, my teacher knows. When I go three days, the audience knows."

-Arthur Rubenstein

....let music be your salvation

The last seven days for me have been emotionally taxing. Many of you have complained that my blog, whilst succeeding in being somewhat entertaining, is generally impersonal and cold. Sorry, it wasn't originally meant to be a diary.

Generally, I try to be a good person. Lately, I feel like I'm Myungizing myself. For those of you not familiar with the verb, I just made it up - and you have to know Myung. Let me retell just the short story of a dude named Myung.

Myung fell in love with a girl long time ago, and he was badly burned. The scars stayed for a long time and afterwards, it was very difficult for him to open up or show any weakness, partly in fear of getting burned again, partly because he had been burned so bad. As a result, he began burning other chicks. It was a defense mechanism.

I, on the other hand, have been in a series of long-term relationships that, as Stanley says, "makes me exhausted just fucking thinking about you." I have burned, and I have also been burned. This week is a reality check.

I am changing as a man. I try to be a good person, I really do. But I can't afford to burn anymore - I don't have the time and I definitely don't have the energy. So as of right now, I am an asshole. I rarely write personal shit in this blog, but this will be an exception, and I'm only writing it as a warning. I am now an asshole. I don't have the time and I don't have the energy to deal with emotion. I have hours of work to finish, and I'm approaching the single craziest semester I will ever have in my entire life. Apart from my close friends, and at that only the platonic ones, I do not care for you. I have no interest in anything else, I have no interest in anybody else. So if you're not on my speed-dial, fuck off.

"Love is impossible. If it was possible, it wouldn't be love."

-Ned Rorem

"When God shuts a door, somewhere he opens a window."

"I'm supposed to hand my absentee ballot in today. I'm going for Kerry, man. I got a chance to watch one of the debates and a piece of another one. He was making Bush look stupid, but anybody can make Bush look stupid. I'm not 100 million percent on Kerry. I don't agree with everything he says, but I hope he's true to his word, especially about his plan to pull the troops out. People think their votes don't count, but people need to get out and vote. Every motherfuckin' vote counts."

"Bin Laden attacked us and we attacked Saddam. We ain't heard from Saddam for ten years, but we go attack Saddam. Explain why that is. Give us some fucking answers."

-Eminem

It's too late, homie. It's too late.

We're entering a new age of technological communication:

naryantek: alright dude
naryantek: i gotta bounce
car LOCO 69: a'ight man
naryantek: im actually in lecture right now
car LOCO 69: oh hahahha
naryantek: profs are givin me the eye
car LOCO 69: wireless?
naryantek: yeah
car LOCO 69: go

From Stan, my fellow masculist in crime. We are going to start far-reaching movement. Who wants to join us?

" girls spend their entire lives chasing after some mythically non-existent knight in shining armor, and then when they get the frog they wonder why. screw the guys out there that actually do that suave knight in armor shit. you guys are making me look bad and screwing up my game. stop perpetuating their fantasies you sellouts. i also believe most girls just settle for any old guy in the end anyway because they are getting close to 30 and desperate. fuck this double standard shit. for the girls that think they are some kind of princess, best drop out of that fairy tale before you end up like those four pathetic has-beens on sex & the city. for further reference, please see entry 11/9/04 on carlos' blog (http://carloco69.blogspot.com).

this entry is going to get me in so much trouble."

I've decided to become a masculist. Yes, that's right. The antithetical equivalent of a feminist.

Feminism is fundamentally rooted in some higher-based liberalesque hypocrisy that functions on its ignorant support the way a toilet might to an alcoholic who uses it to vomit. It's there, but it's full of shit. Perhaps feminism might have meant something significant at its initial conception, but the evolution of it has convoluted any contemporary meaning of the concept past that. Consider some modern feminist catch phrases:

"Get a man with a good car, girl." "Get a man who can pay your bills, girl." "If he don't suit you, drop that man like a bad habit, girl."

Fuck that shit. It's time for the era of man once again. Man has fallen so overly-sympathetic of female abuse that he hasn't even realized that he's being fucking used. When a girl fucks a guy over, it's ok, for some stupid ass reason. Well that day is fucking over.

The next girl who ends up liking me, I will fucking lead her on, use her, and then drop her like a fat shit after a big meal.

"Oh my gosh, Carlos, you are so mean! This is totally not like you." I can hear it already.

Fuck you, bitch. I've paid my dues. Tell it to the shrink.

Seen on Craig's List:

Straight male seeks Bush supporter for fair, physical fight - m4m

---

Reply to: anon-47785163@craigslist.org
Date: Wed Nov 03 19:11:50 2004


I would like to fight a Bush supporter to vent my anger. If you are one, have a fiery streek, please contact me so we can meet and physically fight. I would like to beat the shit out of you.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Life is complicated. Morality is inflexible to a tempting extent. Music is difficult. Girls are impossible.

Taken from Stanley's blog. Sorry man, I had to rip it. Please read it, I know it's long.

"tomorrow is an important day. if you dont think so, please take a minute to read this. its from my good friend david. its time to wake up ppl.

[start transmission]
Let me start off first by saying that yes, this is a massmail. Let me say next that I am really, really sorry I have to dothis. Anyone who knows me knows I fucking hate mass emails telling meabout some quadriplegic African kid who has tuberculosis, dysentery,whooping cough, HIV, Ebola, one arm, and one leg, and that somehow ifI forward this email to five hundred of my friends I will miraculouslycure him of all his diseases and regenerate all of his limbs. This isnot one of those emails. I am not here to bullshit you with your timeor mine. Even though I haven't addressed this letter to each of youpersonally, I assure you the content of it is very personal to me.

I've come to accept most people don't give a flying fuckabout politics. There is widespread ignorance among our generationwhere if the subject matter isn't money, cars, clothes and pussy (ordicks) then nothing outside of this pathetically shortsighted view oflife can affect their distorted perception of reality. If you fallinto this category, this ends here, have a nice day, and sad to say,I'm sorry I know you. If you don't, if some, any part of you,regardless how small does actually realize there exists a worldoutside of the cushy suburban bubble we live in and there aredecisions we make in life beyond which club to go to next, then pleaseread on.

I am loathe evangelizing my political orientation to others,and I will not shit you, this is precisely what I am doing. If youfind it pretentious and arrogant of me to do so, you have my deepestapologies. But this election is far too important to just stand on thesidelines with my dick flapping in the wind. Most of you know I amgoing to vote for Kerry. That's no big surprise. Contrary to how theRepublicans want to portray him, he is a strong candidate, with solidbeliefs and a strong understanding of the issues at hand (if anyonewatched or heard the debates you would know this already). Do I thinkhe's FDR? No. But he has what it takes.

Which is what Bush never had, or ever will have. This is apresident that should have never been. Remember he LOST the '00election. But between his brother's state, his dad's supreme court,and some outright racist Republican voter suppression tactics againstminorities in Florida, he somehow managed to steal the presidency.Bush came into our rooms, fucked us in the ass in front of the rest ofthe nation, and got off because his brother was the judge, his dadappointed the jury, and no one believed the witnesses because theywere black. Not to mention the minor detail he used to be a fuckingcoke head. And while I'm not one to say someone can't be rehabilitatedof their addictions, please tell me you agree the leader of thefree-fucking-world should be held to a higher standard than theaverage Joe. I have no doubt he wakes up everyday grinning ear to earthinking about how he blew his load all over us, right before hesnorts his line of coke.

But what about now? Now Bush sits on a record deficit, a netloss in jobs, and tax benefits to corporations to outsource. Oursoldiers fight an illegitimate war in Iraq because Bush initiated itfor illegitimate reasons. I pay 40 bucks for a tank of gas becauseBush, Halliburton, and Saudi Arabia are in a perpetual circle jerk. Wehave a pitiful health care system with millions of uninsured Americansyet Bush tells me it's reformed. Bush rolls back environmentalstandards, pulls from the Kyoto treaty, and does not believe thegreenhouse effect is "sound science" but he swears he's Smokey theBear. He's raped the integrity of our Constitution with the PatriotAct denying our own citizens due process and due representation.Gestapo anyone? John Ashcroft. Adolf Eichmann. Abortion. Women's rightto choose. Gay marriage. Civil rights. Alzheimer's. Stem cellresearch. Genocide. Sudan. Weapons of mass destruction. Weapons ofmass disappearance. Vietnam. Iraq.

Tell me you think this is the right direction our countryshould be going, and I will not watch any porn for an entire year forserious.

Tell me none of this can or will affect you in anywaywhatsoever, and I will eat fish, eyeballs skin and all, for real.

Tell me in good faith four more years of Bush is good foryou and America, and I will crip walk down Crenshaw in my all bluechucks for true.

Politics is war without guns. And we are at war. Lines havebeen drawn and sides have been chosen. Now I ask you not to justchoose a side, but to represent it as well. Vote. Do not take thisright for granted. Ever. This is the fundamental right by which alldemocracies are based, and one millions have slaved, suffered, andshed blood for. The right and ability to choose our leaders. Failureto recognize this fact is a failure to honor those who made itpossible for us to exercise this right. Especially so since most ofyou reading this are a minority. If you've never voted before, I canpromise once you do, you will never not vote again.

I fully understand many people think because we live inCalifornia, a heavily democratic state, that voting is pointlessbecause we'll win the state anyway. We will win this state. That muchis true. But that is not an excuse not to vote, not to be heard. It'snot a matter of whether we yell; it's a matter of how loud we yell.And I'm going into this screaming my head off until my ears bleed outand my eyes explode.And I'm hoping you will do the same.

Peace.

David"