So here's the dichotomy.

The essential necessity for apathetic calm gets more and more difficult to cultivate; but I guess at heart, "necessity" in itself carries a bitter implication of forced-will.

In addition, I hate self-pity in others; yet, self-pity is what I fight, day in, day out.

Dichotomies of internal self-reflection that require a constant emotional battle force every living organ in my system to face a new unfounded desire: that to escape. To leave.

In short, get me the fuck out of here.