The following is the just-released 2004 US News rankings of schools in the US with the lowest acceptance rates:

1. Curtis Institute of Music (PA) 7%
2. Juilliard School (NY) 8%
3. United States Coast Guard Acad. (CT)* 8%
4. Harvard University (MA) 11%
5. Princeton University (NJ) 11%
6. Columbia University (NY) 12%
7. United States Naval Academy (MD)* 12%
8. College of the Ozarks (MO) 12%
9. Stanford University (CA) 13%
10. Yale University (CT) 13%

Is it humorous, plain funny, sadistic, or insane that the first 2 schools listed in the entire country that include ALL majors and specialties, just happen to be in the field of music performance? Fuck this occupation.

Perhaps an even more interestingly-enigmatic question would be: WHAT THE FUCK IS COLLEGE OF THE OZARKS. and how is it so fucking hard to get into?!! Jeff's explanation:

j m 2 c a l: To be eligible for admission, a person must graduate from an accredited high school. Applicants who are not high school graduates are required to submit passing scores on the General Education Development (GED) Test before admissions may be granted. Specific admission requirements are listed throughout this section by application type. Specific requirements may not apply to adult learners (21 years of age), or the applications may be exempted. (http://www.mvsu.edu/academics.html)
j m 2 c a l: it's probably cause the students that want to attend usually don't meet the minimum requirements
j m 2 c a l: they submit their applications on brown paper bags
j m 2 c a l: and get denied

(on a chairlift sometime this season)

steve: (staring at a double black diamond) how do you think they make moguls?
stan: they smoosh a snowman. like one of calvin's deranged killer snow goons.
steve: (still staring at moguls) yeah id like to see that army of snow goons before they smooshed them.
stan: (turns to steve) you fag.

Performance Schedule

March 27th - Prokofieff 2nd Concerto
March 29th - Rorem Trio
April 2nd - Weber Duo Concertante
April 8th - Rachmaninoff, Debussy, Chopin, Beethoven, Rorem Full Recital
April 8th - Judd Greenstein Sonata
April 15th - Beethoven 3rd Concerto
April 14th - Prokofieff 2nd Concerto
April 16th - Brahms Schumann Variations
April 23rd - Beethoven Appassionata, Bach, Rachmaninoff Sonata

This is how busy I've been.

sleepyx637: yo
j m 2 c a l: yo
sleepyx637: los is talking to me
sleepyx637: :-)

Everybody knows Friendster. You're all on it. If you're not, it just means you haven't sold out yet. They'll get you though. Sooner or later. Below is the single best Friendster testimonial I've ever read:

MIKE:
basically stanley is the sexiest chinese guy i know, behind steven, jeff tseng, ben, and mcquire. he is hella smart, can dance pretty well, is loyal to friennds, and will give it up to you if you ask twice. he likes rubbing my ear meat.

This goes out to those who know Jerome - the EECS Madman

naryantek: heard u went clubbing with ryan
EECS Madman: i just finished beating off, now i have nothing to do
EECS Madman: yea werd
EECS Madman: i saw some lakers benchwarmers

This came in response to a conservative radio talk show host discussing the morality of homosexuality:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

"You see, you wouldn't ask why the rose that grew from the concrete had damaged petals. On the contrary - we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun. Well...we are the roses, this is the concrete, and these are my damaged petals. Don't ask me why...Thank God nigga, ask me how."
-2pac

Seen on a New York City billboard:

Four scantily clad, obviously men-hating, gorgeous white women - the type who have had their fair share of bone in them. The ad?

"THE L-WORD" - airing soon. "SAME SEX. DIFFERENT CITY."

when will it stop....

Seen at Juilliard:
Young Korean female, no more than 17 years old, bawling helplessly into the arms of her undoubtedly glory-hopeful mother shortly after callbacks are posted. Nearby, a Russian is smoking.

Heard at Juilliard:
Person 1: Dude, check it out, check it out [carrying a long thin case]. I got something you would kill to have.
Person 2: A penis?
Person 1: Uh, you don't have a penis?
Person 2: Nah, I lost it in a terrible accident with your mother.
Person 1: Fuck you. You know what this is? 30,000 dollar Santori bow, my friend.
Person 2: What the hell are you doing with a 30,000 dollar bow.
Person 1: I'm gonna sell it and buy drugs.