Inspired simultaneously and erratically by the blog thoughts of both Stanley Lee and Ned Rorem.

Aug 29, 2005

carlos.avila@yale.edu is no longer in service. The address has been changed. The new address is: cba@juilliard.edu - make the proper adjustments
In Harlem now, faced with the terrifyingly dire prospect of the children of my colleagues' younger siblings graduating before I do, should I not pass my placement tests tomorrow.

Harlem is nice - the black people here look at me with the confusion and curiousity one might only see at a Stanford Lambda party, when a chick walks in that actually resembles something other than a diseased goat. On the upside, the soul food is heaven on earth.

I walked into Juilliard's Paul Hall today for opening student orientation, and Justin Timberlake's "Senorita" was on full blast while the "Fairplay" (Juilliard volunteer students who help out with orientation) members danced alongside us - on stage, a slide show of "hip" looking student photos adorned a projection screen.

Next to me, I hear someone whisper..."who are you kidding? Juilliard isn't cool. We're classical musicians. That's not cool."

Amen.

Aug 27, 2005

Why is it that technique among white American musicians is generally poor except among white American homosexuals? Is homosexuality a coincidental trait that seems to negate the stereotype of slow/weak fingers? In general, I find, most white American musicians that have excelled in the music world have always been gay. Consider the trend.

Aaron Copland, single most famous American composer of the 20th century - gay.
Henry Cowell, famous for his invention of tone clusters - gay.
Ned Rorem, pulitzer prize winner and American art-song master - gay
Leonard Bernstein, legendary conductor and composer of "West Side Story" - gay.
John Cage, avant-garde innovator who started an American music movement - gay
Virgil Thompson, music critic and composer known for his wit and simplicity - gay
Garrick Ohlsson, world-renowned concert pianist - gay
David del Tredici, famous song writer and avant-garde composer - gay
John Corigliano, a favorite composer amongst performing musicians - gay.
Michael Tilson Thomas, music director of the San Francisco Symphony - gay.

...and the list goes on and on. Those are just the ones off the top of my head. A-list crowd, I know.

The trend doesn't appear to be changing either - consider your musician peers that you know today (the extremely talented ones) who are white Americans. Chances are he is either gay, or stuck deep in that closet.
For any of you from Paly that haven't heard yet, Bill Giordano (yes, Mr. Giordano, our shady ass P.E teacher that flunked me) was arrested this week on over 50 counts of alleged sexual molestation. The full article can be found at http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/local/states/california/peninsula/12448297.htm

Concentrate on not dropping the soap, motherfucker! Buahahahhaahah. Sick bastard.

Aug 26, 2005

Sin City.

A breath of fresh air. One of the single best movies I've seen in the last few years - and that is saying a lot. In an era where hollow cinematic formula douses the theatre like a urine drenched washcloth, Robert Rodriguez sauces up the screen with an innovative idea surpassed only by his suave pseudo-film noiresque style.

Why are movies going down the drain? Is cinema getting worse? Are we getting more intelligent and demanding as common viewers? Is the formula too easy? Is corporate industry-haggling dominating the inventiveness of the inventors?

Ever since the recent dawn of hardcore CGI, I have to say - I've always been anti. Rodriguez changed my mind.

"When it comes to reassuring a traumatized 19-year-old, I'm about as expert as a palsy victim doing brain surgery with a pipe wrench." - John Hartigan

Aug 24, 2005

A'ight y'all.

I am moving from New Haven to Harlem on September 2nd - any help with this move would be greatly appreciated. For any of you in the city or at Yale that day, please contact me.

Aug 16, 2005

Americans have no attention span for the literary medium. Whenever I publish a post that is longer than two paragraphs which is not about my personal life or does not contain any AIM conversations on it, nobody bothers to read it. This is sad.

Aug 15, 2005

Reflections.

On leaving California, I was reminded of the life I once had there; it was almost surreal. The life I built in my four years at Palo Alto High School and my three years at UC Berkeley at the time seemed to be more important and life-changing years than I could ever imagine.

I started my blog almost promptly after leaving Berkeley - in my first month here at Yale. It's strange to think that I'm finishing another chapter. I've gone through hours and hours of thought on what I've learned here in New Haven over the last three years, and I'm determined to make things right as I start a new chapter in New York City.

Last week, I stood backstage with Henry during the finale of Romeo and Juliet, waiting to play the Prokofieff - in a passing moment, it struck me that I no longer belonged to Berkeley. How long will it take for me to feel the same way about Yale?

I rarely write personal posts like this, but fuck it - I'm feeling like a pansy at the moment. Suck it.

Thanks to all y'all who made my California trip a good one - henry/quelani/steve chiang/jerome/leslie/stevecarter/jaakko/jimmy/dave/andy/leon/kevin/meredith/myung/steph/eisaku.

And thanks to all y'all who made my experience at Yale...an interesting one.

Goodbye New Haven.

Aug 14, 2005

The current battle: the evolutionists vs. the creationists

I hope this post doesn't ramble as incoherently as my last one did - the debate sort of demands some form of organized construction. As with any contemporary socio-political issue (abortion/affirmative action/gay rights), this seems to be the hot topic amongst bloggers and scholars alike; I have reservations even thinking about it.

Normally, I'd avoid such a taboo subject, but the educational repurcussions that Bush is currently pushing by his public endorsement of "intelligent design" (as the self-proclaimed 'free-world leader of education') seem too drastic to just let slide. For those who have been buried in a hole for the last few weeks (or in the deep south/midwest), I'll summarize a little bit.

A large majority of individual state's legislatures (particularly the red ones) have engaged in an education battle to promote the teaching of what they call a "two sided debate". Bush, in particular, has publically voiced to the press that "as with any controversial issue", middle-school children should be educated in both sides of the dichotomy and be allowed to decide for themselves. Of course, that's the short version of it.

The dichotomy, however, is a paradox in itself. It's a little like teaching kids two sides of a self-proclaimed controversy - the problem is, it's not really a controversy. To teach kids, for example, that some people believe that the world is flat, and others believe it to be round and then to decide for themselves would be misleading them; in itself, isn't it already misleading to tell them there are two sides?

The creationists' theory has been "academically" published amongst many scholars who proclaim that Darwin's theory of evolution is insufficiently educational, and furthermore, filled with holes. The creationism theory itself is a somewhat primitive one: it revolves around the concept that certain and specific aspects of nature are much too complex to be explained by simple and random evolutionary mutation - instead, it must be the work of a divine creator or an intelligent designer (namely God). A popular example is the eye.

A million different parts are involved in insuring that the eye is functional in all animals, and what's more, all other parts would theoretically be nullified with the absense of just one. Light recognition, muscle movement, retina design, etc. all coincidentally resemble a camera, for example; a product which is of 'intelligent design' - how is it possible, the creationists ask, that this is all random? It must be, they say, the product of a divine creator.

Of course, scientists and most people with half a brain disagree - nature evolves through millions of years and usually, as is scientifically proven, it evolves by natural necessity. It is not a huge stretch, or even a stretch at all to believe that a series of mutations occurred to produce the efficiency of the eye that all animals have today, purely by necessity. Thus, high-flying birds tend to have much stronger eye sight than other animals, specifically because of the necessity to catch prey.

A large hole that adds particular insult to injury is that, essentially, the creationists' theory needs not a shred of proof, scientific backdrop, or even any empirical study to back it up. In fact, the only thing it needs is a preacher behind a podium to say, "look at all these wonderful trees. They're so complex. It must be God!"

Of course, the issue of combatting faith with science (or vice versa) is not a new one - both sides have had their heroes for a long time (since the middle ages in fact) and many well respected scholars like Carl Sagan or Isaac Asimov devoted their lives to proving one thing one way or another. Obviously, in vain.

To me, it strikes as a cheap biblical desperation attempt to promote a conspiracy - perhaps those words are too harsh...but then again, perhaps they aren't. Pretend, for example, that the Bible stated that in a right triangle, the sum of the squares of the two sides added up to the area of the triangle - would it be a controversy back then in schools? Would they teach the kids the "two different sides of the controversy" - that a) the sum of the of the squares of the two sides adds up to the area, and b) the sum of the squares of the two sides adds up to the square of the hypotenuse? I wonder.

45% of the United States population currently believes in the literal wording of the Bible, specifically that God really did create everything in under a week. But what is our education in the United States coming to - in a time where the US is slowly losing it's scientific edge and super-power control of education to foreign nations, we're arguing about stupid shit like this.

As one political cartoon depicts, when you teach kids about astronomy, you don't teach them astrology to present "a different side". When you teach med students about neurology, you don't teach them phrenology to present "a different side". When you teach physicists about the theory of relativity, you don't teach them magic to present "a different side". Those latter statements are reserved for trashy magazines you get a grocery stand and New York City fortune tellers with fake Jamaican accents.

It's a shame that we have to even present American with this "controversy", particularly when required textbooks for classes like AP US History still only teach one side of the controversy of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima - namely, that it "saved millions of lives".

I have a friend named Guga who is hairy as a fucking wookie, he looks like Chewbacca - creationist theory would specifically allow me (with no scientific evidence at all) to publish this fact as "proof" that evolution really did happen - I mean, is it really so coincidental that he looks like a fucking monkey? No! This was intelligent design!

I hate to have it come back to this, but this discussion is really just an extension of my last post about pianists. It always comes down to the theory and dichotomy of science vs. hocus pocus. Pianists believe that what they're doing when they do what they do really works and some even have convoluted scientific mumbo-jumbo to back it up - despite the percussive nature of the instrument.

When it all comes down to it, I don't really see myself as taking as strong a side as what I may have written just now. As you all know, I am not a man of faith, and I do not have any religious tendencies at all. But I do work at a church, have many religious friends, and am generally sympathetic and understanding of faith and the belief in God. That being said, I don't really understand how the concept of intelligent design even has to conflict with science at all; but Republicans (especially the hardcore ones) see everything (including the Bible) in black and white. The words in the Bible describing God's 6-day creation of the world to me just resemble a symbolic gesture of His grand plan - it's not really that science conflicts with religion; it's mainly that the two ask different questions of the other.

If nature really is rooted in intelligent design, I think it would be pretty fucked up. What kind of twisted intelligent design would promote the complexity of a sexually-transmitted virus that apparently has no cure? What kind of intelligent design would let a tsunami wipe out a huge chunk of South-East Asia's population?

"If an intelligent designer lived on Earth, people would stone his windows." - loosely translated Yiddish saying, from Time Magazine.

Jul 31, 2005

My friends still crack me up.

j M 2 c a L (3:21:23 AM): we in vegas
car LOCO 69 (3:21:27 AM): who is we
j M 2 c a L (3:21:34 AM): ryan, stan, me, and mcquire
j M 2 c a L (3:21:27 AM): got in shit man
car LOCO 69 (3:21:33 AM): got in shit? with who?
j M 2 c a L (3:21:37 AM): some random fucks
car LOCO 69 (3:23:48 AM): where was everybody else
j M 2 c a L (3:24:04 AM): mac held me back
j M 2 c a L (3:24:04 AM): stan was confused
j M 2 c a L (3:24:04 AM): ryan was gaming on nasty hoes

Awesome.
Meadow Soprano is beautiful.
Tony Soprano is a fucking badass.
Henry and I spent a good hour reading through Beethoven's 4-hand transcription of the 9th Symphony; an incredible way of releasing stress, vocally as well, in bad German.

What is it about classical music's obsession with ancient Greek mythology that somehow, every composer finds a method to allegorically summarize some aspect of life through a Greek program. Even when Nietzsche attempted to simplistically codify all of music into a yin/yang dichotomy, his preference for vernacular still ended up being referred to as the "Dionysian" and "Apollonian". Why? Are we so lost for literary material that programmatic music must fall into one culture?

I'm quite sure that Beethoven wasn't at all thinking about the tragedy of Orpheus when he wrote his fourth piano concerto, yet the slow movement will always be linked to his romance with Eurydice - all because it 'coincidentally' resembles the tale; leave out the fact that Beethoven would probably roll over in his grave at the thought of somebody else programmatizing his own music which by nature, was meant to be absolute.

As a contemporary musician, I'm forced to think in a contemporary way - the next 'great' symphony I'm forced to analyze for a class, I bet I could find a way to relate to it to Tupac's east/west controversy with Biggie, and that fateful romance with Faith.

"That's why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker."
- Tupac Shakur

Jul 24, 2005

I've been wanting to write this post for quite a long time, partly because it bothers me so much, and partly because it comes up in almost every pianist's daily life. For those who find the topic overly esoteric, stop reading here. There is so much on my mind, so a lot of this will seem like incoherent ramble - I hope you can piece it together, and please excuse the poor writing.

Since the beginning of our study, pianists are constantly taught to emulate a non-percussive instrument, particularly but not limited to the human voice or the violin - in fact, much of every teacher's goal is to successfully create some sort of aural illusion to display that the piano is anything but a percussion instrument. Pianists like Radu Lupu, Claude Frank, etc. are forever praised for their 'miraculous tone' and 'deep singing quality', as if it were some type of black magic.

Students today, though it seems, have gone heavily overboard in mythicizing the instrument. How many times have you seen an Asian girl at the piano contorting her elbow, arm, and wrist and every which direction at the top of a lyrical line in a desperate attempt to 'sing' or produce a 'better tone'? How many times have you been told to have a "less harsh" or "fatter" sound on those D-flat major chords in the Tchaikovsky? How many times have you been told to sing on the piano, often through one single note, an obvious physical impossibility?

I hate to de-mythicize the piano in such a Carl Saganesque manner, but I can't stand the Buddhist and surreal approach to producing tone any longer. Claude Frank is the master of tone not because he possess an unworldly and intangible magic to the instrument, but simply because he understands the physics of the piano in a way we could only dream of. Have you ever seen him (or Radu Lupu, or whoever) twist his arm to help out his melody?

I played for a teacher last year at Yale who truly believed that depending on the way you played a single note (sans pedal, mind you), you could control the 'tone' and even how the 'tone carries through the hall'. I thought to myself then that this guy is fucking psycho, but sad to say, it seems as though at least 80% of the piano students in the hall seemed to buy his crock of bullshit! I want to try and clear this up right now.

At the very basic level of the piano, it IS a percussion instrument. When you press a key down (without pedal), a hammer hits a string, releases the damper, and then immediately puts the damper back down. It is more akin to hitting a bass drum. Now think of the variables in terms of physics: when you hit a key (one single note), there is no such thing as "speed of attack" to determine the "harshness" or "quality of sound" of that given note. NO! There is only one variable, and that is volume. The ONLY thing you can control on that given note, by your speed of attack, is the volume of that note. NOTHING ELSE. Face it. If you isolate just one given note, there is no harshness or fatness or anythingness to that note - just the amount of volume. If someone tells you it's harsh, what he's really saying is it's loud.

Try it yourself. Hit middle C on the piano. Now change the speed of attack. Do whatever you want to this middle C. Play it with your nose. Play it with your foot. Change your wrist movements on it. Change your elbow movements. I guarantee you - nothing is changing in the sound except one thing: the volume of that middle C. Trust me. Whatever you hear differently is an aural lie, self-configured in your own convuluted mind.

If you still don't believe me (which I know a lot of you don't, and I really do feel sorry for you), take a friend. Close their eyes, turn them away from the piano. Now hit that middle C 10 times and change the way hit it. See if that friend can tell which ones are different. If your friend has any sort of brain at all, he/she will notice that only one thing is affected: the volume of the middle C.

So what makes a beautiful sound? Or a harsh one?

That's the even easier part. When you had more than one note, say a chord, the harshness is determined by your decided voicing and volume that you give each note IN RELATION to the other notes. A "singing chord" could just possibly be the difference between hitting the top notes louder than the bottom notes. A "fat chord" could just possibly be the difference between voicing the bottom and top notes louder than the inner notes, or vice versa. But on any given note, you really can only control one part of that note: it's volume.

Another myth: the pedal. Many pianists also believe that with the pedal down, whether you connect a legato line with your fingers or poke it out staccato, it makes a difference. Sorry. Wrong there as well. When you put down the pedal, the dampers on every key go up - thus, the hammer hits the key, then the hammer immediately goes back down, and the dampers never come down. Thus, whether you play a melody line stacatto or legato with the pedal down, it theoretically should not matter - as long as you are playing the volume of the notes in the exact same relation to each other.

Think of the piano as a series of drums. You can only control the volume of each note. NOTHING ELSE. In order to play beautifully, we have to produce an aural illusion that we are really controlling more than just that. That is the art of the piano. To think any differently is tricking yourself into believing the piano is something that it is not. To truly master a good tone, you have to believe in the truth.

If you are one of those pianists who turn their fingers horizontally on melody lines, good for you - but know that it is not affecting your sound. If you are one of those pianists who move their elbows in every which direction to try and have a 'nicer sound', good for you - but know that if you DO have a nice sound, it has NOTHING to do with your elbows. It is simply because you are a good musician and have subconscious understanding about the physics of what you are doing.

Many of you don't believe a word I just said. Unfortunately, by laws of physics, nothing I wrote just now was a lie. Learn to accept it. Don't be like a hardcore Christian who refuses to believe in evolution. Instead of learning the 'magic' of the piano, content yourself with learning the 'aural illusion' of the piano. Your life will change.

Jul 22, 2005

This is a compilation of application deadlines for pianists. It will be updated frequently.

Hilton Head - 9/30
YCA - 10/14
CAG - 10/31
Honens - 10/31
E-competition - 11/1
Dublin - 11/11
Tchaikovsky - 12/1
Maria Callas - 12/1
Bachauer - 1/1
Leeds - 2/10
Jaen - 2/25
Casagrande - 3/1
Hamamatsu - 3/31

Jul 16, 2005

Inherently, classical music is the cultivated art of schmoozing with the rich - albeit all the while, with 10 dollars in your bank account.

Leaving for California on Tuesday. Hit me up.

Jul 3, 2005

"Wait a minute / This is too deep"
- Mariah Carey

Jun 22, 2005

In the Hamptons now, debating my regretful dichotomy of beautiful scenery vs. being surrounded by a bunch of piano dorks. The beaches are overrated, the gas is expensive, there is nowhere to get a drink past 10pm, the town is dead, and I'm constantly forced to rehash old repertoire.

Saw Batman Begins the other day - why the craze amongst the critics? I think we're being sucked into ultra low expectations. It was better than Batman 3 and 4, albeit I'd sooner rape an unsuspecting goat than rewatch those filthy pieces of cinema trash. Christian Bale? Whatever. He's no Michael Keaton.

Also saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith - this is definitely the best bad movie of the year. Thouroughly entertaining.

Anyway, for all you wondering if I dropped off the face of the planet, I'm unable to go online here save between the hours of 6pm and 9pm - and on a 56k modem at that.

The Hamptons. Any beach in LA would spit on this shit for breakfast.

Jun 13, 2005

In California now, leaving tomorrow.

Congratulations to my roommate Mihai Marica, on his 1st prize victory at the International Irving Klein String Competition. There was never a question in my mind.

May 28, 2005

I need all non-pianist musicians (this includes non-major college retirees) who will be residing in the bay area for any part of this summer to contact me. Henry and I are looking for volunteers who want genuine intrinsic joy with no pay. But we guarantee you'll have a great time.

carlos.avila@yale.edu
carlosavila@gmail.com
(203) 887-3147.

MUSICIANS, HIT ME UP.

May 25, 2005

You know you're Filipino if...

- Your parents always get the letters "P" and "F" confused. (Unportunately, Puck!)
- You point with your lips.
- You get someone's attention with a "psssst!"
- You have 5 pairs of tsinelas (sandals) located outside your front door.
- You're Catholic, and your mom is a nurse.
- You have 58 cousins, and an uncle named "Tito Boy"
- You're somehow very proud about the fact that Filipinos are "ghetto"
- Balot (half-developed embryonic duck eggs) and bagoong (ass-tasting stew-like cuisine) doesn't disgust you.
- You listen to hip-hop at full volume and drive with the left hand on the steering wheel and your body angled a little to the right.
- It pisses you off that Tia Carrere and Jasmine Trias claim they're from "Hawaii" when all of the above and below applies to them.
- You have at least one aunt that drinks and smokes more than you.
- You have another aunt that has fully dyed her hair a different color.
- Your mothers friends who are not related to you magically become your "tita" and "tito"
- You have at least one brother/sister/cousin who truly believes he/she is white.
- You have another that believes he/she is black.
- When you go to "San Francisco", you're actually going to Daly City.
- You put up your knee and rest your elbow on it while you're eating.
- Your parents use certain action-verb phrases as nouns. "Mag take-a-bath ka na!"
- Your nickname is either "boy", "tutoy", or "nining".
- Your parents greet you with a loud "HOY!"
- Your mom says "bitch" instead of "beach" and "puck" instead of "fax"
- You buy a karaoke machine before you buy the TV
- You laugh when you see somebody fall, and cackle when somebody dies.
- Your way of hitting on girls is to put a not-so-smart smile on your face and repeatedly lift your eyebrows.
- Your mom confuses "she" and "he"
- You eat rice for breakfast. Always.
- You reuse disposable styrafoam cups.
- You think eggrolls are a Filipino invention called lumpia.
- When you can't think of a word, you say "kwan".
- Your last name is the same as that ghetto Mexican dude down the street.
- You resent that.
- You like to remind people that without Filipinos, there would be no Yo-Yo's.
- When your history teacher tells you Magellan was almost the first man to circumnavigate the world, you raise your hand and tell him that he didn't because a Filipino native named Lapu-Lapu whacked him on the head with a Yo-Yo.
- You're very proud of that. And so are your parents.

That's all for now. Brought to you by your token Pinoy.

May 24, 2005

Star Wars obsession:

naryantek: i thought the last saber battle was whatevs, it was the emotion that relaly carried it through
car LOCO 69: when they both use their hands to blow the other back with the force
car LOCO 69: that shit was awesome
naryantek: oh yeah that was badass
naryantek: haha
naryantek: me n you should try that sometime

May 22, 2005

This is the Star Wars gender-based cultural generation gap:

car LOCO 69: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE SITH, NOT JOIN THEM!
charcoalj: what are you talking about

May 14, 2005

Hiding unwillingly in the wealth-soaked liberalness of Palo Alto, I've somehow spotted that age is this crucial entity in determining the for-granted. This really is, truly, a fucking weird city.

Read the housing section - not a house under a million dollars. Then look at the bumper stickers on the cars - all the cars are Benzes, Beamers, and Lexus' - yet they all have anti-Bush bumper stickers. Look around.

White teenage Abercrombie-donning girls talk on razor-thin Sanyo phones in one hand, the other behind the leather steering-wheel of a newly purchased 3-series convertible. Her mid-40's mom is at the tanning salon reading Hillary's "Living History", having just put in a generous donation in the mail to help starving Somalian children - her 2nd house is on the market for 3.2 million. It's a new breed of democrat: the powercrat.

Hypocrisy lies in the dichotomy between ideology and action. Justification never seems to join the former and latter. But does it always have to?

May 12, 2005

This is a response to those of you many who approach me regarding weight-loss, particularly how I managed to lose them 50 pounds so quickly. There really is no magic secret and most of what I tell you, you already pretty much know. But I'll sum it all up for all of you that are trying to lose a little pound or two. Or 50.

1) Lift weights. That is number one. Most of you (especially girls) think that they don't wanna bulk up or have no interest in looking toned; only weight loss matters. Well, the more you lift, the faster you'll burn calories when you do cardio.

2) Enjoy what you eat. This is key. If you try and starve yourself or start eating some nasty ass health food shit, it might work for awhile. But after a certain amount of time, you'll hate it and you'll quit. You'll give it up. I guarantee it. Find healthy food that you absolutely love - a lot of you think that doesn't exist. It does. You just gotta search harder for it or compromise with healthier versions of unhealthy food that you do love.

3) Don't go crazy with cardio. Do cardio, but don't go crazy with that shit. Few times a week and not so hardcore. Or else you'll just stop doing it after awhile.

4) Work out in the morning. There are too many excuses later in the day that will prevent you from working out. Plus, you burn the most amount of calories before you eat your first meal. All you gotta do is set your alarm one hour earlier than you would normally wake up every day. It's not that bad.

5) Try and think of image as a side-bonus to your health and well-being. Obviously, you wanna look good as well. Think about what's best for you and not what looks best, and the latter will naturally occur as a product of the former.

6) Stay away from mayo, oil, fried shit, chocolate, candy, and salad dressing. You don't need that shit. There are plenty other foods you can get pleasure from that don't include those things.

7) Don't rely on a special "workout friend" or special gym to work out. Be flexible. Your friend won't always have the same schedule as you. The gyms hours might not coincide with your schedule. Get used to the fact that working out sometimes has to be a solitary activity.

8) Vary what you do for cardio. Don't just do the same shit all the time. Vary it up. Run up a hill. Play basketball. Use the bike. Try the rowing machine. Whatever it is, vary it up. And up your cardio every few weeks or so, or your body will start immunizing itself to your workout.

9) If you're a beer drinker, get used to wine. If you're a hard liquor person, go easy. Beer has an immense amount of calories. So does a single shot of vodka. Wine is best.

10) Set unrealistic goals. It helps the mind and body work harder. Don't give up.

Apr 28, 2005

Story from Myung:

I’m staying at a hotel to prepare for finals b/c I wanted a nice quiet place to study and I wanted some really good rest – unlike my apartment, this place has windows!

so I was in the lobby and I was pulled over by some guy … he said … excuse me .. do you know anything about computers? i said, a little bit. he was having trouble with his wireless connection and asked me to go to his room to take a look at his computer. I said … okay.

on the way up, he said, “you guys are good at this kinda stuff … i know.”
i said … huh? You mean, Asian People?
He said yah.
I know I was supposed to be offended … but shiet, I’m in St. Louis… I’m already used to this. I said … “yah, you’re right. we’re born with it.”

Then I proceeded to fix his wireless.

Apr 21, 2005

How well do you know Jack Bauer? What would he do if....

1. It was between immediately rescuing 5 civilian children or pursuing a suspect with info to a major city-wide threat? Only one of the two is possible and the latter is not a guarantee.

2. It was between immediately rescuing his daughter or pursuing a suspect with info to a major city-wide threat? Only one of the two is possible and the latter is not a guarantee.

3. It was between discreetly following a suspect with a hostage (who will be killed) to obtain information, or taking the suspect down and saving the hostage to bring the suspect in for questioning? City-wide threat is on the line.

4. It was between shooting a friend in the head or risking an opportunity to disarm a bomb in a populated area.

5. It was between shooting a woman in the head that murdered his wife (purely for revenge), or turning her over to the authorities for interrogation regarding a strike against a civilian target.

6. It was between saving the life of the President, or saving the life of his family.

Answers:
1. latter
2. former
3. former
4. former
5. former
6. both

Apr 20, 2005

Some plans are now set:

May 10th - May 20th: California
June 2nd - June 12th: California
June 13th - July 1st: The Hamptons
July 14th - July 25th: Prague
July 25th - August ?: Sicily?

Apr 12, 2005

On a separate note, I almost completely forgot to acknowledge everybody else's recent achievements.

Congratulations to my former-roommate and good friend Ken Olsen, on his recent acceptance to the associate principal cellist position of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra.

Congratulations to my homegirl Meeka Quan, on her recent acceptance to the cello section of the San Francisco Symphony.

Congratulations to my homegirl Juliana Athayde, on her recent appointment to the concermaster position of the Rochester Philharmonic. She turned down the San Francisco Symphony.

Congratulations to my homegirl Adelle-Akiko Kearns, on her recent appointment to the principal cello position of Tokyo Metropolitan Opera. She turned down the Tokyo Phil.

Congratulations to my close homeboy Ryan Chen, on his recent acceptance to Washington University at St. Louis Law School.

Congratulations to my homeboy Quentin Kim, on his recent acceptance to the doctoral program at The Juilliard School.

Congratulations to my homeboy Wonny Song, on his recent victory and appointment to the roster of Young Concert Artist.

And thank you to everybody who has wished me luck and given me support on my next few years at The Juilliard School.

We're all growing up. We're all coming up. Things change. But only for the better.
Most of you know the story of me and Myung. We spent 3 years at UC Berkeley together without seeing the other wearing so much as a backpack. Today, we rejoice in his 2nd chance, and my 3rd.

My most sincere and full congratulations to Myung, on his acceptance to Georgetown Law School.

Mar 28, 2005

Wait a little longer and things will inevitably start to look up.

Starting fall, I'll be a student at Juilliard. I'm moving to the city. Creating another chapter in my life and hopefully this time, ending it with a cap n' gown instead of a yellow expulsion letter.

Dismissal is a thing of the past. Rekhanize.

Mar 12, 2005

The Judges.

Paul Pollei (chair): Without a doubt, the most idiotic bonehead to ever be allowed to touch a keyboard - it is my sneaking premonition that this absolute joke of a musician received his music degree by sending in a free voucher from the bottom of a Frosted Flakes box. Picture him: overweight Mormon from Utah wearing 5-dollar K-mart cologne, perpetually wet-dreaming about molesting unsuspecting contestants who will buy his crock of shit.

Alan Walker (writer): To my surprise, the most musical and educated on the entire jury. True, you always have to be wary about a man who spends 25 years researching the life of another man, albeit combined with his heavy Northern English accent and direct demeanor for both praise and criticism, he surprises me with his intellect.

Nelita True (pianist): Points for studying with my idol, Claude Frank. Needs a bit of work on wardrobe choice, since the mono-color full body outfit was in style only to worshipers of Jackie Kennedy and the artist formerly known as Prince. She, however, is truly a pianist's pianist, and her ideas seem to reflect this in style.

Pavlina Dukovska (pianist): Overly analytical Bulgarian woman - I suspect she probably douses Ritalin, Prozac, just-add-water scrambled eggs, and 2-day-old pizza into a blender every morning to achieve her overbearing energy. Great musician, if not a bit melodramatic; we spent 35 minutes together trying to make four measures more "special". Heh.

Kemal Gekic (pianist): Haha. This guy cracks me up. Maybe I'm not too keen on the cultural boundaries of style and professionalism in Croatia. This guy strikes me as a man who stylistically emulates (or attempts to) Fabio (in the I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter phase), Don Corleone from The Godfather, and some mild mannered stereotypical professor that walks around with a coat around his body without putting his arms through the armholes - purely for the distinguished 'look' of it.

Logan Skelton (musicological pianist): Sigh. Depressing. The quintessential failure; the man we all try NOT to end up like. Overly impressed with inconsequential musical ideas he "discovers", this a man who yearns to be heard. Living life through his students, this is the guy to fear in the same way a corporate employee does about the disgruntled worker next to him ready to go postal with a Tek-9 and AK-47.

Jorge Luis Prats (cuban pianist): Definitely the happiest man on the jury. Good thing? Sure. With the obese look of a mafia boss, endlessly chain smoking Marlboro Reds, and consistently cussing at the grass for making too much noise while it grows, this guy thinks he knows it ALL. Literally. So utterly convinced by every idea he possesses, this man epitomizes the true concert pianist. The anti-renaissance man. Guaranteed to make you laugh.

I've never seen such a funny jury in my life. Sad that the three judges I truly respect as pianists and musicians did not pass me. The three boneheaded idiots and the one non-pianist writer however, seemed to love it - and passed me with no question. What does this say about my playing?
I'm giddy as a school girl. Why?

Congratulations to my faithful homeboy, Ryo, for making it today to the finals of the Hilton Head International Piano Competition. Nobody deserves it more, and you are the single greatest pianist with whom I have ever had the privilige of working.

Mar 10, 2005

Classical musicians are mutually blessed and cursed: the latter with low pay, high rent, canned tuna, and cheap wine. The former, however, with the chance to travel the world and schmooze with the filthily wealthy.

I want you all to picture the following scene: Ryo, Orlay, and I sitting in an outdoor hot tub of a 10 million dollar house on the beach, with the sun setting in the backdrop of the Atlantic ocean 100 feet away, drinking 300 dollar champagne and smoking illegally purchased Cuban cigars. This is right after a meal of fresh raw oysters and shrimp.

Does it get any better?
Reactions from Alan Walker's lecture on "Liszt: The Cultural Ambassador":

Spending three years at Yale University breeds a distinctive small town mentality that consistently favors a German musical bias. The entire faculty at Yale, as I've come to realize, is so incredibly vehement against non-German music that after awhile, you almost seem to believe that composers such as Liszt and Rachmaninoff really do cater only to the ignorant and uneducated. Today, I was thankfully sucked back into reality with a lecture that truly proves the contrary.

The ignorant and uneducated, as I've come to learn, are the professors at Yale. Bold statement, I know.

Alan Walker, who has quickly come to be regarded as the foremost guru on the life of Franz Liszt (he spent 25 years researching him), yesterday presented one of the most enlightening and inspiring lectures I've ever attended. The lecture presented Liszt as the ultimate humanitarian, the true gentleman, the intellectual, the impresario, the writer, the reader, the transcriber, the performer, the poet, the painter, the radical, the conservative, and of course, the composer.

Perhaps more than any finer point of the lecture was truly the annihilation of the Elvis-esque stereotype that seems to perpetually shadow Liszt's image - yesterday, it was replaced with that of the quintessential moralist and humanitarian. Liszt was Horowitz, Maynard Solomon, Richard Taruskin, Martha Argerich, John Cage, and yes, Elvis Presley, all beautifully rolled into the enigma that clouds history today.

Sad that Yale shall probably forever remain in its cultural bubble, content to live life amongst the snobbery of conservative German Romantics and the serialism of post-war expressionists. There is more to life than Brahms and Schoenberg, and to deny this is to live a truly unhappy life.

Robert and Clara Schumann once hosted a dinner party their residence, to which the likes of Berlioz, Brahms, Liszt, and Wagner were invited. Liszt and Wagner, in classic renaissance charm, arrived two hours late; half-drunk, of course. Liszt proceeded to shpeal on a tirade insulting the music of Mendelssohn as elementary, at which point an angered Robert Schumann approached him and struck him on the chest, just before storming upstairs in a rage.

Franz Liszt, with the charm and a smile, told Clara, "Please inform your huband that he is the only musician whom I respect enough to tolerate such behavior."

Mar 9, 2005

Hilton Head. Perhaps I'm going through a late stage of every musician's psychological nightmare: Am I just living in a fairy tale?

As musicians, we're constantly being bombarded with the most depressing dichotomy; the emotional paradox: if the people that I love believe in me, why am I getting rejected over and over and over again? How many rejections will it take to stomp out a dream?

As a man, I am constantly paying for my mistakes. I make a lot of them, in life and in music, but the immediacy of the latter is more psychologically disturbing than the macroscopic duration of the former. This year, I simultaneously pay for both at a price that is pushing me to a human limit I am being tested to endure for the love of my trade. I don't know how much more I can take.....or at least before I resort to the manual labor of lifting boxes for Staples at minimum wage.

The mistakes I made years ago (really....YEARS ago) that follow me today in every endeavor I pursue seem to only be a reflective reminder of the mistakes I make at the piano that follow me to the announcements of results time again and again.

It's common knowledge today that the best political move for a politician in D.C who makes a mistake is to fess up to it, apologize, and pay for it. (Arnie conquered it well when he fessed up to his bullshit sexual harrassment charge) I've fessed up, I've apologized, and I'm paying for it. Now, it's time to just stop making mistakes.

Mar 8, 2005

What I am about to say will enrage the in-readers of those who actually dare to pick up those unrewindable piece of medium called books.

I don't think David Sedaris is that great. Yes. I SAID IT. He's not that great. He's ok.

So I just read "Me Talk Pretty One Day". I finished it. It was good. He's funny. But deep down inside, I think he's just a watered down version of Dave Barry, whom I am sure gets lower points already amongst the intellectually homosexual for the sheer fact that he's not gay. Which brings Sedaris to another witty advantage; he's gay. A lot of his humor is "Will and Grace" on a more respectable literary medium, and really nothing else. It's good. Just not great.

I just thought of that after I read this article today by Dave Barry and couldn't stop laughing: http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/5564439.htm

For those too lazy to click the link, I'll paste some here.

[start quote]


It's tax time. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.

Take, for example, my Keogh Plan. If you're wondering what a Keogh Plan is, the technical answer is: Beats me. All I know is, I have one, and the people who administer it are always sending me Important Tax Information. Here's the first sentence of their most recent letter, which I swear I am not making up:

``Dear David: The IRS has extended the deadline for the restatement of your plan to comply with GUST and various other amendments until, in most instances, September 30, 2003.''

I understand everything in that sentence, up to ''David.'' After that I am lost. Apparently I have until September 30 (in most instances) to get my plan -- no, sorry, the restatement of my plan -- to comply with something (but what?) called ''GUST.'' And of course various other amendments. But how do I do this? And what if I don't?

The letter doesn't make this clear. It does, however, say this: ''You must adopt EGTRRA prior to the end of the plan year beginning in 2002.'' I am, frankly, reluctant to adopt anything called ''EGTRRA,'' which sounds like the name of a giant radioactive chicken that destroys Tokyo.

The thing is, this letter isn't from the Internal Revenue Service (``We're Working To Put You in Jail!''). It's from people on MY side, people who sincerely want to tell me something, probably important, about GUST and EGTRRA. But I won't even try to finish their letter. I'll put it, with all the other tax documents that I do not understand, in a folder marked ''Taxes,'' and I'll mail it to a guy I know named Evan. A few weeks later he'll mail me back a tax return that I will sign and send along to the IRS without reading any part of it, except where it says ``SIGN HERE.''

That's right: I have no idea what my tax return says, even though I'm legally responsible for it. I just have to hope that, when Evan prepares it, he's not in a prankish mood:

IRS AUDITOR: Mr. Barry, can you explain why, on page 27 of your return, stapled to Form 4992, ''Depreciation and Amortization,'' is the thymus gland of an otter?
ME: That's not mine!
IRS AUDITOR: Also, on page 23, you claim, as dependents, and I quote: ``The Entire Cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.''

[end quote]

Mar 7, 2005

It's hard to make coherent sense out of such an enigmatic locale as Hilton Head Island - a haven for the senile octogenarian and the wealthy golf pro; a retired paradise for the republican values of the congenitally elite. Here, the daily decision making revolves around what time to call Bob for the morning golf match and when to make space for naming that demented alligator who keeps trying to climb the fence of our gated community.

It's a nice vacation. Any more than 10 days here would force me to eat decomposing feces from a wrinkled goat for mere pleasure, but for the time being, it serves as a good breather.

To be able to socialize and drink wine with the most conservative of conservatives is a talent I am quickly getting accustomed to. I just have to remember catch phrases like "Yes siree, those tax cuts sure do make life easier!" and "Hunting season starts soon for the live buffalo, wild turkey, and runaway homosexuals!".

Sigh. Send me home.
Midnight conversations with my girlfriend:

car LOCO 69: think about this scenario
car LOCO 69: i get rejected from juilliard (most likely)
car LOCO 69: i get a job at uhaul (if they take me)
car LOCO 69: struggle to make rent (just barely)
car LOCO 69: and i become a complete bum
YuMi43: ok
car LOCO 69: then some new hot incoming pianist comes in
car LOCO 69: and leigh hall opens up
car LOCO 69: and suddenly you're "practicing late" every night
car LOCO 69: while i deliver uhaul trucks to deadbeat alcoholics moving apartments post-divorce
car LOCO 69: i come home to an empty apartment, and you call me saying that "ooops sorry. is it already 3am? i lost track of time playing my strauss concerto"
car LOCO 69: "strauss didn't write a concerto, baby"
car LOCO 69: "oh he didn't?"
car LOCO 69: "i meant, um...sibelius!"
YuMi43: should we just break up now before any of this actually happens?
car LOCO 69: and you'll start seeing some outlaw biker named harley with no social security card just for the excitement of non-musician sex
* * *
YuMi43: i already found someone
car LOCO 69: awww
car LOCO 69: me too
YuMi43: my vagina

Mar 5, 2005

More South Carolina conversations:

Host father: You know, I did a lot of business in the Philippines. It used to be a great place under Marcos.

Me: Marcos was a murdering dictator...

Host father: Yes, but he ran the country quite well. Now...it's not so great. You know, I had dinner with Imelda once! Charming lady.

Me: Um...Yeah, but she was kind of a psychopath...

Host father: [obviously not listening] Well, anyway. The Philippines really was beautiful, wasn't it?


It's gonna be a long ten days.
Initial thoughts on South Carolina.

Host mother: If you feel like getting some fresh air or going for a walk, do be careful walking by yourself outside.

Me: But I thought this a gated community.

Host mother: Yes it is, but you'll have to watch out for the alligators!

Me: Alligators??

Host mother: Yes, we just saw a 15 footer today! You can't outrun them. But if you do come across one, try and zig zag if they chase you. Or if you see a tree, try and climb it. Alligators don't climb trees.

Me: I see...

Mar 3, 2005

Take notice.

Mr. Frank is playing Schubert B-Flat Sonata on March 29th. If you live around here and you miss this, you will probably die ignorant and otherwise unhappy.

Mar 1, 2005

Scandal, scandal. The issue of politics in the classical music world knows no end.

[begin quote]

Ms. Yoheved Kaplinsky, one of the twelve competition jurors, asked to be relieved of her position, citing the fact that seven of her pupils were accepted into the competition. “I regretfully feel I must step down from the jury,” said Ms. Kaplinsky. “I believe it is in the best interests of the competition for me to do so.” Cliburn president Richard Rodzinski added, “having so many of her pianists accepted to the competition is an extraordinary tribute to such a great teacher.”

[end quote]

Feb 15, 2005

My apologies to everybody - I've been out of commission for awhile. I'll update soon.

nyc: 3/2
hilton head island: 3/4 - 3/14
bay area: 3/15 - 3/20

Jan 13, 2005

Apologies to those who assumed I was dead for the last week. Actually, it wasn't much far from the truth as I've spent more than a desired amount of time in Grand Rapids, Michigan playing a concert. Observations of the midwest as a first-timer from California?

Fuck that's a lot of snow.
If almost half of the world's entire population is Asian - where the fuck are they all?
Fuck that's a lot of snow.

I feel unfortunately left with absolutely no desire to ever travel in the vicinity that lies between the two coasts. Call me a snob...

Jan 4, 2005

I actually didn't miss Berkeley at all until I saw this picture on Stan's website. The Marina. Our favorite spot. Myung and I must have spent hours here over the course of our three years - studying, talking about chicks, discussing some mindless obsession.

Jan 3, 2005

The cynicism of disappointment, the rebirth of love, the cycle of stupidity.....and another year begins. What have I learned from 2004? Nothing really, see me again 2006.

Though it has virtually become cliche to diss the clicheness of new year's resolutions, I'm gonna be cliche in dissing the clicheness of dissing the clicheness of new year's resolutions - I'm gonna make one!

This year, I resolve to be selfish. Being selfish has always been a problem for me, and it gets me into a lot of trouble when I give more than I have, on both a pragmatic and emotional level.

Oh yeah, and I'm gonna quit smoking. heh. That one's been in the works since Michelle gave me the patch in 1998.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to leave the Bay Area, after having made a whirlwind week visit for the first time in years. Thanks jaakko/steve/dave/jerry for the memory-inducing alcoholic campfires, a staple of our childhood that I hope we continue til we're 70.

Well, I don't feel old yet. Even though Jerry did get engaged, you fucking sell-out! Taking this year one day at a time.

Dec 27, 2004

Lifted from Guson: I get the feeling that all asian households are universally extremely cold. I think it's because they want to save on utilities...

azule 3177: asian households
azule 3177: are so fucking cold

bsra n c h o: dude you are so right
bsra n c h o: I have to wear a jacket around the house

JouLe Zoo: omg, my house is so cold

TwoSidedMobius: fuck yeah
TwoSidedMobius: my house is freezing

Mikedsego: my house is so warm and toasty. i love it!
(he's white)

Dec 17, 2004

Somebody is playing a cruel joke on Myung:

j m 2 c a l: the garage was closed dude
j m 2 c a l: i came home and it was opened
j m 2 c a l: and torn apart
car LOCO 69: that's like
car LOCO 69: the first scene to 'scream' or something
j m 2 c a l: yah man
j m 2 c a l: serious ... it feels like someone is playing a joke on me
j m 2 c a l: it's that weird
car LOCO 69: when you came home did you go all jack bauer into your house
car LOCO 69: looking both ways backing up the stairwell
j m 2 c a l: naw man .... i went nutcracker
j m 2 c a l: i pranced in

Dec 3, 2004

It's been a long day and I'm tired. A lot of you have no idea what's going on, but when you find out, you guys will all be asking me a series of questions. Let me answer most of them now.

What happened?
Come see me for a drink. I'll tell you then.

How does this keep happening to you and why do you keep doing this to yourself?
I'm sorry. I don't really know. I might have some sort of innate pathological self-destructive tendency that I'm unable to rid myself of - I guess some people thought I had changed, but maybe it's time to fucking face reality and admit to myself that this time, it's time to take it like a man and accept today for what it is. Maybe my confidence has been based on some massive delusion; maybe it's just been me living in some existential dream, trying to dissipate reality into self-catered fiction. Sometimes you have to look into yourself realistically without the sugar fucking coating that the people you love sprinkle on you all the time - how many people will you have to let down to realize that you're just a bad person?

I apologize, I really do. I'm sorry for letting the few of you down who believed in me and had hope in me, and I wish to God I could change. But maybe it's time that those of you who have some sort of misguided faith in my "potential" (or whatever that means) or talent to just give up. Sorry.

Dude, it's not your fault. This is just so fucked up.
No. It IS my fault. And in retrospect, it's sort of an artificial utopian optimism to believe that I just get fucked over all the time. My resume reads like a sociopathic rebel incapable of controlling his own actions. Those who love me feel I'm misunderstood; those who hate me think I am a cocky son of a bitch who believes he is above the law; those who know me think that what comes easy to me is dangerous; and those who don't know me would rather keep it that way.

I've been kicked out of so many institutions by now I can barely keep track of them all. "You ever think there comes a point where you gotta stop living up there, and start living down here?"

What are you going to do now?
I don't know yet.

You have so many people who believe in you and you always let them down. Don't you think that's selfish? How can you just keep doing that?
Like I said before, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. Maybe you guys should stop wasting time "believing" in me. You'll get better results that way. Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful to all of you, and I'd be a wreck without you guys. But it's time for me to stop living in a fucking fairy tale.

Dude, don't say that. It's not true.
Don't fuck with me. I know it's true. You're a better friend to me if you just spit it in my fucking face. Seriously.

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

Don't trip. Life goes on, homes. Life goes on. I'll be fine - I promise you.

Dec 1, 2004

Here's the competition results so far:

Rubenstein Competition...............NO
Van Cliburn Competition..............YES (ny audition in feb.)
Beethoven Competition................YES (ny audition in feb.)
Hilton Head Competition..............NO (alternate, hoping for someone to get sick)
Corpus Christi Competition..........YES (in feb.)
Santander Competition.................still pending

next up: washington international and cleveland

Nov 26, 2004

Good motherly advice from my mother:

charcoalj: u can screw women without giving a fuck
charcoalj: women get attach when they screw
charcoalj: and they wont even screw you unless they are emotionally attached
car LOCO 69: you should relax
charcoalj: ok
charcoalj: but do not screw them
charcoalj: dont fuck them
charcoalj: go out with them- but dont get them emotionally involved with u
charcoalj: and dont have sex with them
charcoalj: once u get sexually involve with a girl-they think it is real
charcoalj: well if u fuck them-u r giving them something to hold on to
charcoalj: and dont under estimate the power of messed up girls
charcoalj: u can get them pregnant
car LOCO 69: jesus christ, relax
car LOCO 69: i don't wanna talk about this anymore
charcoalj: u r 23 but u r always my son
The most abominably unfair difference between the life of a musician and the normal (non-musician) is that for the rest of our lives, we will never have a vacation longer than two weeks. And for some fucked up strange reason, that doesn't really matter to us, usually because we fill ourselves with contorted self-justifications that more-or-less boil down to something relating to 'emotional enjoyment' or some other bullshit.

But yes, it's true. Musicians a) never retire. We work until the day we die; teaching, playing, etc. b) can't bear the thought of more than two weeks from our instruments.Even if we deny it.

A lot of you musicians are sitting there going "not really. Just last month I went a whole two weeks without practicing." Probably. But did not you just not play? More than likely you read through some chamber music with friends, fiddled around with some scales and then got bored, attended some brainless mandatory orchestra rehearsal, whored yourself to some useless gig that gave you rent money, taught some ineptly retarded secondary-student, or participated in some form of the like.

Seriously try and remember the last time you went a full 14 days without touching your instrument completely. You were probably 15 years old, maybe younger. And if you have gone 14 days in the recent past, you probably have some wild story you brag about to your friends about how you once went that long without doing it and then you came back, and your hands felt like jello. "It was great, such a relief" you tell your friends. But you're not really fooling anybody. Deep down inside, you felt like shit and you thought your technique was going to hell. .....then again, you could just be a brass player.

But face the facts. We musicians will never have a vacation. It's not possible. The rest of our lives are chained to our instruments, whether you like it or not.

"When I go one day without practicing, I know. When I go two days, my teacher knows. When I go three days, the audience knows."

-Arthur Rubenstein

Nov 24, 2004

....let music be your salvation
The last seven days for me have been emotionally taxing. Many of you have complained that my blog, whilst succeeding in being somewhat entertaining, is generally impersonal and cold. Sorry, it wasn't originally meant to be a diary.

Generally, I try to be a good person. Lately, I feel like I'm Myungizing myself. For those of you not familiar with the verb, I just made it up - and you have to know Myung. Let me retell just the short story of a dude named Myung.

Myung fell in love with a girl long time ago, and he was badly burned. The scars stayed for a long time and afterwards, it was very difficult for him to open up or show any weakness, partly in fear of getting burned again, partly because he had been burned so bad. As a result, he began burning other chicks. It was a defense mechanism.

I, on the other hand, have been in a series of long-term relationships that, as Stanley says, "makes me exhausted just fucking thinking about you." I have burned, and I have also been burned. This week is a reality check.

I am changing as a man. I try to be a good person, I really do. But I can't afford to burn anymore - I don't have the time and I definitely don't have the energy. So as of right now, I am an asshole. I rarely write personal shit in this blog, but this will be an exception, and I'm only writing it as a warning. I am now an asshole. I don't have the time and I don't have the energy to deal with emotion. I have hours of work to finish, and I'm approaching the single craziest semester I will ever have in my entire life. Apart from my close friends, and at that only the platonic ones, I do not care for you. I have no interest in anything else, I have no interest in anybody else. So if you're not on my speed-dial, fuck off.

"Love is impossible. If it was possible, it wouldn't be love."

-Ned Rorem

Nov 18, 2004

"When God shuts a door, somewhere he opens a window."

Nov 17, 2004

"I'm supposed to hand my absentee ballot in today. I'm going for Kerry, man. I got a chance to watch one of the debates and a piece of another one. He was making Bush look stupid, but anybody can make Bush look stupid. I'm not 100 million percent on Kerry. I don't agree with everything he says, but I hope he's true to his word, especially about his plan to pull the troops out. People think their votes don't count, but people need to get out and vote. Every motherfuckin' vote counts."

"Bin Laden attacked us and we attacked Saddam. We ain't heard from Saddam for ten years, but we go attack Saddam. Explain why that is. Give us some fucking answers."

-Eminem

It's too late, homie. It's too late.
We're entering a new age of technological communication:

naryantek: alright dude
naryantek: i gotta bounce
car LOCO 69: a'ight man
naryantek: im actually in lecture right now
car LOCO 69: oh hahahha
naryantek: profs are givin me the eye
car LOCO 69: wireless?
naryantek: yeah
car LOCO 69: go

Nov 12, 2004

From Stan, my fellow masculist in crime. We are going to start far-reaching movement. Who wants to join us?

" girls spend their entire lives chasing after some mythically non-existent knight in shining armor, and then when they get the frog they wonder why. screw the guys out there that actually do that suave knight in armor shit. you guys are making me look bad and screwing up my game. stop perpetuating their fantasies you sellouts. i also believe most girls just settle for any old guy in the end anyway because they are getting close to 30 and desperate. fuck this double standard shit. for the girls that think they are some kind of princess, best drop out of that fairy tale before you end up like those four pathetic has-beens on sex & the city. for further reference, please see entry 11/9/04 on carlos' blog (http://carloco69.blogspot.com).

this entry is going to get me in so much trouble."

Nov 9, 2004

I've decided to become a masculist. Yes, that's right. The antithetical equivalent of a feminist.

Feminism is fundamentally rooted in some higher-based liberalesque hypocrisy that functions on its ignorant support the way a toilet might to an alcoholic who uses it to vomit. It's there, but it's full of shit. Perhaps feminism might have meant something significant at its initial conception, but the evolution of it has convoluted any contemporary meaning of the concept past that. Consider some modern feminist catch phrases:

"Get a man with a good car, girl." "Get a man who can pay your bills, girl." "If he don't suit you, drop that man like a bad habit, girl."

Fuck that shit. It's time for the era of man once again. Man has fallen so overly-sympathetic of female abuse that he hasn't even realized that he's being fucking used. When a girl fucks a guy over, it's ok, for some stupid ass reason. Well that day is fucking over.

The next girl who ends up liking me, I will fucking lead her on, use her, and then drop her like a fat shit after a big meal.

"Oh my gosh, Carlos, you are so mean! This is totally not like you." I can hear it already.

Fuck you, bitch. I've paid my dues. Tell it to the shrink.

Nov 7, 2004

Seen on Craig's List:

Straight male seeks Bush supporter for fair, physical fight - m4m


Reply to: anon-47785163@craigslist.org
Date: Wed Nov 03 19:11:50 2004


I would like to fight a Bush supporter to vent my anger. If you are one, have a fiery streek, please contact me so we can meet and physically fight. I would like to beat the shit out of you.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Nov 6, 2004

Life is complicated. Morality is inflexible to a tempting extent. Music is difficult. Girls are impossible.

Nov 2, 2004

Taken from Stanley's blog. Sorry man, I had to rip it. Please read it, I know it's long.

"tomorrow is an important day. if you dont think so, please take a minute to read this. its from my good friend david. its time to wake up ppl.

[start transmission]
Let me start off first by saying that yes, this is a massmail. Let me say next that I am really, really sorry I have to dothis. Anyone who knows me knows I fucking hate mass emails telling meabout some quadriplegic African kid who has tuberculosis, dysentery,whooping cough, HIV, Ebola, one arm, and one leg, and that somehow ifI forward this email to five hundred of my friends I will miraculouslycure him of all his diseases and regenerate all of his limbs. This isnot one of those emails. I am not here to bullshit you with your timeor mine. Even though I haven't addressed this letter to each of youpersonally, I assure you the content of it is very personal to me.

I've come to accept most people don't give a flying fuckabout politics. There is widespread ignorance among our generationwhere if the subject matter isn't money, cars, clothes and pussy (ordicks) then nothing outside of this pathetically shortsighted view oflife can affect their distorted perception of reality. If you fallinto this category, this ends here, have a nice day, and sad to say,I'm sorry I know you. If you don't, if some, any part of you,regardless how small does actually realize there exists a worldoutside of the cushy suburban bubble we live in and there aredecisions we make in life beyond which club to go to next, then pleaseread on.

I am loathe evangelizing my political orientation to others,and I will not shit you, this is precisely what I am doing. If youfind it pretentious and arrogant of me to do so, you have my deepestapologies. But this election is far too important to just stand on thesidelines with my dick flapping in the wind. Most of you know I amgoing to vote for Kerry. That's no big surprise. Contrary to how theRepublicans want to portray him, he is a strong candidate, with solidbeliefs and a strong understanding of the issues at hand (if anyonewatched or heard the debates you would know this already). Do I thinkhe's FDR? No. But he has what it takes.

Which is what Bush never had, or ever will have. This is apresident that should have never been. Remember he LOST the '00election. But between his brother's state, his dad's supreme court,and some outright racist Republican voter suppression tactics againstminorities in Florida, he somehow managed to steal the presidency.Bush came into our rooms, fucked us in the ass in front of the rest ofthe nation, and got off because his brother was the judge, his dadappointed the jury, and no one believed the witnesses because theywere black. Not to mention the minor detail he used to be a fuckingcoke head. And while I'm not one to say someone can't be rehabilitatedof their addictions, please tell me you agree the leader of thefree-fucking-world should be held to a higher standard than theaverage Joe. I have no doubt he wakes up everyday grinning ear to earthinking about how he blew his load all over us, right before hesnorts his line of coke.

But what about now? Now Bush sits on a record deficit, a netloss in jobs, and tax benefits to corporations to outsource. Oursoldiers fight an illegitimate war in Iraq because Bush initiated itfor illegitimate reasons. I pay 40 bucks for a tank of gas becauseBush, Halliburton, and Saudi Arabia are in a perpetual circle jerk. Wehave a pitiful health care system with millions of uninsured Americansyet Bush tells me it's reformed. Bush rolls back environmentalstandards, pulls from the Kyoto treaty, and does not believe thegreenhouse effect is "sound science" but he swears he's Smokey theBear. He's raped the integrity of our Constitution with the PatriotAct denying our own citizens due process and due representation.Gestapo anyone? John Ashcroft. Adolf Eichmann. Abortion. Women's rightto choose. Gay marriage. Civil rights. Alzheimer's. Stem cellresearch. Genocide. Sudan. Weapons of mass destruction. Weapons ofmass disappearance. Vietnam. Iraq.

Tell me you think this is the right direction our countryshould be going, and I will not watch any porn for an entire year forserious.

Tell me none of this can or will affect you in anywaywhatsoever, and I will eat fish, eyeballs skin and all, for real.

Tell me in good faith four more years of Bush is good foryou and America, and I will crip walk down Crenshaw in my all bluechucks for true.

Politics is war without guns. And we are at war. Lines havebeen drawn and sides have been chosen. Now I ask you not to justchoose a side, but to represent it as well. Vote. Do not take thisright for granted. Ever. This is the fundamental right by which alldemocracies are based, and one millions have slaved, suffered, andshed blood for. The right and ability to choose our leaders. Failureto recognize this fact is a failure to honor those who made itpossible for us to exercise this right. Especially so since most ofyou reading this are a minority. If you've never voted before, I canpromise once you do, you will never not vote again.

I fully understand many people think because we live inCalifornia, a heavily democratic state, that voting is pointlessbecause we'll win the state anyway. We will win this state. That muchis true. But that is not an excuse not to vote, not to be heard. It'snot a matter of whether we yell; it's a matter of how loud we yell.And I'm going into this screaming my head off until my ears bleed outand my eyes explode.And I'm hoping you will do the same.

Peace.

David"

Oct 31, 2004

Poor Stanley. At this very moment, he is paying a mandatory visit to jail somewhere along the San Diego and Mexican border. Don't trip, homie! I hope you brought a sweater. You'll be out of there in a few hours.

heh.

Oct 30, 2004

Things I would do if it would ensure a democratic victory on Tuesday (and I'm not joking):

I would, unhesitantly and immediately, give up my spot at Yale University.

I would go without sex for 4 years. (This one appears to be an inevitability regardless)

I would donate my car to charity.

I would uninstall and never again use AIM.

I would become a vegetarian.

I would donate all the money I currently own to charity (OK, so that isn't much)

Things I would not do even if it would ensure a democratic victory:

I would not give up music.

This election, besides being one of the most divisive in history, will probably decide the fate of our country. If that sounds too harsh are dramatic, you probably haven't been paying attention.
Though the extent of things I would give up may sound humorous, or even ridiculous, please believe me when I say I would. I am not joking.

"And on top of that, you want to take me to prison/
just cuz I won't trade humanity for patriotism."
-Immortal Technique, "The 4th Branch"


Oct 28, 2004

Random thoughts.

The pathetic immutability of the piano-level at Yale is getting more and more depressing. What is going on?

The gym is truly a haven for an undeniably static series of mental cases: a) the anorexically-inclined 90-pound female, perpetually stranded on a treadmill, waiting for her ribcage to accentuate her imaginated beauty. The kind of chick you would date for the sole purpose of forcing a 16-oz steak down her throat. b) the isotonic obsessive madman. definition means nothing, and roaring like a manly lion while dropping all your weights to the ground is a definitive public measurement of what's down there. c) the janet jackson idolizing ab-fanatics. she spends 45 minutes on a mat, crunching like a broken rocking chair. the gym is truly a place for the psychotic.

On a serious and unrelated note, many of you know that I have not been doing so well since the semester has started. Hopefully, this is changing for the better. I have since undergone a complex inauguration into an elite family consisting of three older female brothers, a bulgarian boyfriend with c-cup pecs, and a romanian roommate with whom i can commute telepathically as a result of our siamese-esque twinship.

Being single is definitely not what it was built up to be, though I think I am quickly adapting. All asian girls in school are either a) incapable of using vocabulary past high-pitched words like 'unyee', b) taken by white guys, c) ugly, d) all of the above. For those of you that believe Berkeley goggles were the thickest of them all, please.....come to New Haven. You'll be like Ray Charles by the end of the month.

I am tired. This blog entry is incomprehensible, but I haven't written in awhile.

Currently: trying to get my life back on track.

Oct 25, 2004

Granted, it was bound to happen at any moment, I still find myself in a state of shock at Lillian Kallir's death.

The older generation is quietly disappearing, leaving the new-age music world with this sanitarily cold and unfeeling athletic world of pianism. If the rule remains true regarding the disappearence of the will to live after a spouse dies, the world will soon lose the greatest musician of the 20th century.

Life goes on, albeit not in the same way.

Oct 10, 2004

Still living in last semester. But empty.

Oct 4, 2004

I haven't been hit as hard by a movie in a long time as I was tonight.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd." -- Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"

Oct 3, 2004

Friendster breakdown by race:

142 Total Friends.
123 Asians or Asian-Americans.

I'm making good progress.
Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up on wings. All you need is love.

And a King Cobra 40 to drown the existence of the past and to fade the memories into oblivion. Mementos can be forced into obscurity - the non-existence of regret because there is nothing there to regret. Eternal darkness of the empty mind.

What was I talking about again?

Sep 30, 2004

"Music and women I cannot but give way to, whatever my business is."

-Samuel Pepys, English poet

Sep 16, 2004

From a movie only I and Roger Ebert liked. I'm convinced the rest of you have bad taste:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

Sep 5, 2004

This is the single best Friendster "About Me" quote I've seen, written by Michelle, one of the most caring and intelligent girls I've ever known:

"Music over silence, prose over poetry, comedy over tragedy, underground over mainstream, tea over coffee, used books over new, recycling over trash, credo over indecision, special dark over milk chocolate, sushi over carpaccio, orange over blue, sneakers over heels, fiddle over violin, jazz over pop, sailing over yachting, Bartley's over In-N-Out, City Lights over the Harvard Bookstore, The NY Post over The Onion, The C-Note over The Blue Note, Rubber Soul over The White Album, the Whitney over the Gugg, Jerry Rice over Steve Young, Ireland over England, Taiwan over China, Heifetz over Stern, Lewis over Freud, national healthcare over the crap we have now, Candlestick over 3-Com, Red Sox over Yankees, Zelda over Mario Bros, Till Eulenspiegel over Zarathustra, Braeburns over Fujis, smiling over laughing, dancing over drinking, writing over reading, #16 over #9, Simpsons over Friends, and Calvin & Hobbes over Charlie Brown & Snoopy." - Michelle Yu

Aug 23, 2004

Wait long enough and things get better. After 2 weeks of the worst living conditions of my life, I have been thrown into the best, even compared to Japan. Bolzano seems to be a culturally ambiguous enigma, constantly trying to decide whether it is German or Italian; the language constantly shifts, and all the street signs are written in both. The hotel is amazing, and the town is beautiful - a bustling Italian cafe-filled haven where outdoor seating is the norm, and live music is a given. How this competition has enough money to let us order freely from the most expensive restaurants, I will never know. Here is hoping that I wont get that yellow slip of paper under my door telling me I have to leave so soon.

Aug 22, 2004

I cannot write use any conjugated verbs because for the life of me, I cannot figure out where the apostrophe is on this fucking German keyboard. Anyway.

I am on my way to Bolzano in a few hours, after having been stuffed with ample marzipan to last me a few lifetimes. I will be there for the next week and a half or so. If you need to reach me, email me.

Only cultural fact about Germany even worth mentioning (I hate this country). All that public bathrooms in Lubeck have ashtrays right next to the toilets and they are all clean.
For a lot of people, the media can seem like an ignorant method of culture osmosis. But after watching City of God combined with what happened to my cousin Ella this weekend, I am forever convinced otherwise.

To whoever is up there, thank you for keeping her safe and thank you for letting her make it through that terrible night. Here is a synopsis.

Wednesday afternoon Ella and I came back from Caruarù to Recife because we needed to get some stuff there, arrange new meetings, and pick up my boyfriendthat was visiting us (he’s in our same master program). We were going to spendthe night in our usual hotel in Boa Viagem (that has been our base all thistime) and then we were supposed to go to Toritama, where we had scheduledalready a bunch of interviews for thursday and friday. But this neverhappened, because in the night between wednesday and thursday the bad thinghappened. Around 1-1:30am 3 people together with the receptionist came in ourroom with guns and asking us for everything we had. They first came in theroom where me and my boyfriend were, and then to Ella’s room. It was terrible:the door opened (they had another key) and we woke up under the threat of their! guns....I am still shaking. They told us to be quiet and we gave themeverything. They also spent more than half hour, I think, looking verycarefully in all our stuff, and they took a bunch of things (from the mostvaluable to the most weird you may think someone will take...). Then, theytied us up, hands and feet, with ropes and tape, and they told us that theywere going to do that in the rest of the hotel, so we needed to be quiet andwithout moving for some hours. Our room was the first one, then they went toElla—i still remember her screaming, i don’t think i will ever forget it. Theydid the same to her. And so to other 3 persons in the hotel. I was tied upfor 3 or 4 hours in total, i don’t know. A couple of times those guys cameback in our room, because i guess they were afraid that the police was coming. One of them also changed his shirt with my boyfriend’s t-shirt, maybe for notbeing recognized once escaped. We were so scared. I wa! s afraid that somethingcould go wrong for them and they could use their guns. I was worried for Ellaalone in her room. I was scared that we couldn’t make it through the night. Fortunately, I don’t know exactly how (i am still confused), the thieves left(they robbed an hotel guests’ car) and the police came. I just remember Ellacoming in my room and cutting with a knife our ropes. This was around 5am. After that we went to the police. They robbed us everything: Ella’s and mypassport, our computers, our digital cameras, all our money, traveller checks,my plane ticket, plus other random things.

Aug 19, 2004

For those of you who are compulsive blog-readers, indulge:

Myung - a quasi-existentialist blog, in the style of a post-modern Camus; includes complaints and third-person views of first-person situational status. Sort of an in-depth perspective and life-tutorial of an individual beginning a new chapter of life. www.myung.org

Stanley Lee - a comically entertaining version of a pseudo-Buddhist theory writer. Includes the usual blog-rants and conversation transcripts, but extends to self-reflecting ideas and esoteric Asian-American cultural identities. Sort of a cross between music, movie, and pop-culture reviews and reflective thought. www.leemur.blogspot.com

Aug 17, 2004

The Legend Of Claude Frank:

At times when the daily gruel and brunt work of perfection-obsessed competition playing/travelling, piano playing may occasionally represent more of an Olympic sport than an artistic activity. You practice hard, you play etudes for 1st rounds, you keep travelling wherever another opportunity might be.

Then there's Claude Frank - an octogenarian version of Frank Sinatra in charm - gnarled arthritic hands, Steve Urkel pants and matching piano key suspenders, with a legend and a history glowing from an aura when he walks into a room.

Claude Frank playing Schubert's B-Flat Major Sonata is a uniquely sublime glimpse to a humanity that emulates perfection - unadulterated by sin, swimming in the divine.

Aug 14, 2004

WTF. Even my mom is addicted to 24.

charcoalj: its crazy
car LOCO 69: did you rent it?
car LOCO 69: it's fucking crazy
charcoalj: we watch it for 12 hours staright
charcoalj: OMG-i was spaced out after seeing it in 12 hras staright

Aug 13, 2004

As Jeff says, David is the funniest FOB that was ever born. "You aren't true FOB unless you came to the states in high school." Excerpt from Jeff's blog:

The Korean Student Association (KSA) asked David to be an usher for their upcoming culture show. When asked if he’d be willing to perform the duties, he responded, “Naw man… You should ask Peter.. I can’t be Usher, I don’t know how to sing or dance.”
This made me smile. Because I am queer.

A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it. Don' t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £50 a scene. I get a £50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra £100 if they use the horse. Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Aimee

p.s: Dad, it's not true. I'm at a neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your BMW. I love you. Aimee

Aug 11, 2004

And this was one of the easier trips (includes wait times):

Bus (New Haven to New York) 6 hours
Plane (New York to Heathrow) 7 hours
Bus (Heathrow to Stansted) 6 hours
Plane (Stansted to Bergamo) 2 hours
Bus (Bergamo to Milan) 2 hours

Milan: Though the exotic image of a post-modern Rodeo Drive was brutally thrown to shit, Milan is still, despite the graffiti riden walls and trash-covered streets, quite nice. Also, perhaps elevated by the fact that - through my dog-sickness and complete apathy for Europe in general - the two days in Milan I spent will be two of perhaps the most memorable of my life. Thanks for a beautiful time, and for a romantic way to let go...

Lubeck: Cute town, but I'm now stuck in the shittiest living conditions I've ever seen at a music festival. Counting the days until I can get the fuck out of here....

Since when did the fucking London immigration line become like an amusement park wait??

Aug 9, 2004

I'm fucking tired, I'm fucking grumpy, I'm fucking exhausted, I'm fucking unmotivated, and I'm in fucking no mood to be going to Milan tomorrow.

Destinations to be covered in the following weeks: Milan, Lubeck, Bolzano.

....and it all starts again.

Aug 8, 2004

All of my friends, save a few, have finally managed to destroy the once-stable rendezvous guaranteed to house at least a handful of friends: Berkeley. Everybody is leaving the Bay, and hopefully, starting a new chapter in their lives. Stanley is taking it kinda hard:

naryantek: carlos...i...i love you
naryantek: hold me carlos...hold me tight and never let go...

Aug 6, 2004

ok check it out:

Batman Begins, coming June of 2005, will boast an all-star cast to include Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman (as Commisioner Gordon!), Katie Holmes, Tom Wilkinson (Fennyman from Shakespeare in Love), Michael Caine (gay stylist from Miss Congeniality) as Alfred, and Christian Bale as Batman/Bruce Wayne.

AND......... Ken Watanabe as the ninja warrior who trains Bruce Wayne to fight!

WUT!

Aug 5, 2004

I've devised a crude, fairly-accurate, and rudimentary method for people to determine who their closest friends are, in case you might have had a doubt. I've found, that at least in my case, this method proves almost 95% accurate:

Examine your Friendster list. If the amount of friends that you share with another person exceeds 20, he/she must be one of your closest friends. I find that this rule remains even with those people who have less than 50 people on their friends list. If he/she is truly one of your lifelong friends, then over 20 of his/her 50 friends will also be yours. [The corollary does not always prove correct.]

If a person on your Friendster is white, you share less than 10 friends in common with him/her.

Those "friends" with which you share zero friends in common - there are only a few possible cases:
1) this person is of the opposite sex, and he/she is a "skeleton in the closet," as it were.
2) this person lives in a different city from where you currently or formerly reside.
3) you have actually not had more than 10 total conversations with this person.
4) this person is a "friendster whore" - one who ups the count on his/her "friends" list for the sake of doing so. (and you couldn't say no)
5) on second thought, who the fuck is this person anyway and how did he/she get on my list?

Examine your list. Contact me if I'm wrong. Sometimes, the truth is that mathematical. Obviously there will be exceptions, but contact me if under 80% of your list does not meet these criteria.

Aug 3, 2004

Steve strikes back:

drungken munk ee: you dig it.
car LOCO 69: octopus jokes kick the shit out of monkey jokes any day of the week
drungken munk ee: are you kidding me?
car LOCO 69: i kid you not

drungken munk ee: A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident.
A man and a woman both dead from a car crash. The accident seems to have no explanation but he looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something.
The cop says, "hey monkey ... you know what happened?"
monkey: Motioning with his arms drinking a bottle of some kind
cop: "They were drinking?"
monkey: Nods head vigorously
cop: "What else?"
monkey: Mimes smoking a joint
cop: "They were smoking dope?"
monkey: Nods head vigorously
cop: "There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"
monkey: Mimics sexual relations
cop: "They were screwing?"
monkey: Nods very vigorously
cop: "This still doesn't make any sense.
Hey monkey! What were you doing to know all this?"
monkey: makes motion as if he were driving and looking behind him...
Octopus jokes:

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. The guy says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

The first one walks up with a guitar. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays $50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.
"Ha!" the man said. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off!!"

Steve's reaction:
drungken munk ee: rah!
car LOCO 69: you like that
drungken munk ee: he's gonna get some octopussy tonight.
car LOCO 69: hahhahaha i knew you were gonna say that

Aug 1, 2004

The life story of my 3-year roommate, Myung:

I went to Walnut High School and graduated in 1999. I was a good kid in high school… I joined all the clubs, went to church, got involved in ASB… Did all the shit that you want your son to do.
The first two years of college were rugged. A bunch of bad shit kept happening beginning from the end of high school. I consequently became self destructive. March 1999, two of my good friends, Lynn Chen and Suel Lee died in a car crash coming back from a rave. I got my heart broken, for the first time, by a girl my freshman year of college. I shutdown my pride and joy, MP3site.com, in 2000, because I got dicked over by a company called Raremedium. My mom moved back to Korea. My other good friend from high school, Jason Cheng, died suddenly of a heart failure in March of 2001. Ironically, I searched for a way out of those dark years inside of a toilet bowl, yacking my brains out at one of two Korean drinking establishments (Koko House & World Beat) on telegraph. Both were shut down because they allowed newborn babies to drink Soju out of their bottles. I didn’t give a shit during those years- I went through my sophomore year of college without purchasing a single book or attending a single lecture. I shit you not.
There was no event that caused me to give a shit again. It’s just that when I hit rock bottom, I had no choice but to swim back up. My junior year, I started going to class, I found a job doing computer shit for campus.

Carlos , the incarnation of Beelzebub himself, transferred to Yale to study music.

I decided that I wanted to give my academics a second shot. That’s when I decided to pursue law. My Junior and Senior year were stable and I brought my 2.0 GPA to 3.010…

I’m ready to start fresh at law school.

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