The productive alcoholic - like the early bird, but one who doesn't catch any worms.

Girls confuse me somewhat, but only to the extent at which confusion palpably encounters expectation; like a speeding Civic on a treadmill whose gas stays on when the machine turns off.

Asian boys and girls.

Cultural phenomenons rarely appear so tangibly bi-coastal, yet these days, it's getting more complex to self-materialize a lucid distinction between the Asian I am and the Asian I was. I come back to the West coast, and suddenly I'm this big pussy cuz I stand funny at a fucking phone booth. (Fuck you guys) The coastal differences between Asians living on the two coasts engender themselves in ways I guess I never fully realized. I never thought I had changed that much. But I guess I have.

Asian girls on the east coast, and the white boy:
This phenomenon will never change. I truly believe it. I don't have to write much on it, because I know everybody reading this has their own opinions. So I'll get right to the point.

Asian girls on the east coast will always go for the white boy. The more busted, the better. If he's unsuccesful, that's awesome. That makes him more attractive. If he's ugly, he's perfect. If he smells like body odor from a diseased scavenger, he's God. As long as he's got white skin.

As I've said time and time before: a tall, good looking, church-going, successful, rich Asian boy will always lose to his white counterpart: rude, ugly, foul-smelling, unsuccessful, lazy, ridden with a yellow-fever fetish.

Such is our life. Or mine.

Every girl I've ever dated, every girl I've ever hooked up with, every girl I've ever liked: is now interested or dating some fucking busted white boy. Is this a coincidence? Is it my fault? Am I a victim of culture? Do I perpetuate the racial divide? Am I just unlucky? Or are Asian girls just bitches?....for the time being, I'll be safe, and assume the latter.

Many Asian girls will tell you it's because they want a "real man". That Asian boys are pussies, and we're shy and timid. We don't approach them.

To this I say: suck a dick, bitch. Anybody who knows me or any of my friends know that I am not a fucking pussy. And neither are any of my Asian friends. Your lame ass excuses don't work.

I know this dude named Eugene. Very good friend of mine. He's pretty much the perfect Korean guy: he gets along with the boys, he's one of the chillest guys I know, he's in the No. 2 Med school about to become a doctor, he's good looking, he speaks fluent Korean, he gets along with both whities and asians, he goes to church, and parents love him. And he drinks like a fucking fish.

Ask him sometime how long it's been since he's had a girl. Or on that note, how many girls he's had in his lifetime.

In college, he and his roommate Dave used to have this Nike sign on their bedroom door. The plan was to turn it upside down when the other was in the room with a girl. I came to visit once in April (near the end of the school year), and I took down the Nike sign. There was a dust imprint left of the Nike logo on their door - it hadn't been moved in so long.

Now do another test. Go up to any random ass fucking white dude at Juilliard; in fact, the uglier the better. Pick the ugliest white dude you can find. Ask him how long it's been since he's been with an Asian girl.
If he doesn't say something along the lines of, "oh a week ago", or "I'm actually with one right now", I'll eat my own feces, for sure. I'll eat every one of those nasty ass Salmon roe eggs, no joke. I'll run through the security terminal at JFK, no doubt. I'll learn yoga, bend over, and suck my own dick; without question.

At any rate, I digress.

True story: Just yesterday I was having coffee at Starbucks with my good friend Geoff. We were talking about this complex phenomenon in huge detail. Basically, we were patting each other on the back and rubbing each others shoulders. Out of the blue walks by the most gorgeous Korean girl you've ever seen in your life. She looks like she came straight out of heaven - it was one of those moments where on TV, it would have shot to complete slow motion and a cheese-ridden soundtrack. And as if to add the one-two punch, right beside her, hand in hand, stood the ugliest white guy you've ever seen.

We got a whiff of his B.O when he walked by.

As many of you know, this has been one of the longest weeks of my life. But it's over, and at that, time to get back to work.

As I seem to be gaining already a significantly notorious reputation for colleague-plagiarism: "this weekend felt like one of those dreams where you revisit high school or college and nothing has changed." (Stanley Lee) But on the real, there's no better way to put it. Every so often, the poetic pansy inside all of us grabs a particular vein of nostalgic intensity, and I think this last weekend served as a reminder that college (and for me, that means my FIRST undergrad) will always be the most memorable. Where we learned to be who we'll be for the rest of our lives.

I feel at home.

Thank you: jeff/stan/jerome/steve/ryan/jm/jerry/dave/geoff/eugene/alex/alex/allen/garrick/jaakko/jimmy/anwar/steve/kevin

Whether you knew it or not, you boys were all there when I needed you most.

Sorry about the blogging drought. I've had virtually no internet access in the hamptons. In NYC now, leaving for Santa Barbara tomorrow, then Palo Alto for the wedding. Hit me up if you're in town.