This is probably the longest duration of time that I've gone blog-dry - my apologies y'all. My intrinsic creativity suffered this impassable aridity, psychologically drained from international travel, ridiculous consumption of octopus and red wine, and 26 credits of futile garbage work for mongoloid-geared classes.
Spain: a forced learning experience, I suppose. Most of you already know I had a rough summer. Thanks to everyone who has shown concern regarding my well-being, but really; I'm fine.
The female gender imparts me with this quasi-revisionist perspective of hopelessly engendered distrust a la Howard Zinn on history, but then, what else is new?
The racial divide these days materializes itself like a culturally permanent rift, the uncircumnavigatable kind where the caucasian friends of mine I see initially as spies and moles for the other side.
"Those nymphs - I want to make them permanent." - Stephane Mallarme
Permanency, though, is just an impermanent hedonistic desire that disappears with great pasta, beautiful music, and a bottle of Majorska with a few good homeboys.
"How do I pronounce this anger? They mispronounce my pain." -Asian American X
Inspired simultaneously and erratically by the blog thoughts of both Stanley Lee and Ned Rorem.
Oct 13, 2006
Aug 20, 2006
Jul 30, 2006
Jul 18, 2006
Asian boys and girls.
Cultural phenomenons rarely appear so tangibly bi-coastal, yet these days, it's getting more complex to self-materialize a lucid distinction between the Asian I am and the Asian I was. I come back to the West coast, and suddenly I'm this big pussy cuz I stand funny at a fucking phone booth. (Fuck you guys) The coastal differences between Asians living on the two coasts engender themselves in ways I guess I never fully realized. I never thought I had changed that much. But I guess I have.
Asian girls on the east coast, and the white boy:
This phenomenon will never change. I truly believe it. I don't have to write much on it, because I know everybody reading this has their own opinions. So I'll get right to the point.
Asian girls on the east coast will always go for the white boy. The more busted, the better. If he's unsuccesful, that's awesome. That makes him more attractive. If he's ugly, he's perfect. If he smells like body odor from a diseased scavenger, he's God. As long as he's got white skin.
As I've said time and time before: a tall, good looking, church-going, successful, rich Asian boy will always lose to his white counterpart: rude, ugly, foul-smelling, unsuccessful, lazy, ridden with a yellow-fever fetish.
Such is our life. Or mine.
Every girl I've ever dated, every girl I've ever hooked up with, every girl I've ever liked: is now interested or dating some fucking busted white boy. Is this a coincidence? Is it my fault? Am I a victim of culture? Do I perpetuate the racial divide? Am I just unlucky? Or are Asian girls just bitches?....for the time being, I'll be safe, and assume the latter.
Many Asian girls will tell you it's because they want a "real man". That Asian boys are pussies, and we're shy and timid. We don't approach them.
To this I say: suck a dick, bitch. Anybody who knows me or any of my friends know that I am not a fucking pussy. And neither are any of my Asian friends. Your lame ass excuses don't work.
I know this dude named Eugene. Very good friend of mine. He's pretty much the perfect Korean guy: he gets along with the boys, he's one of the chillest guys I know, he's in the No. 2 Med school about to become a doctor, he's good looking, he speaks fluent Korean, he gets along with both whities and asians, he goes to church, and parents love him. And he drinks like a fucking fish.
Ask him sometime how long it's been since he's had a girl. Or on that note, how many girls he's had in his lifetime.
In college, he and his roommate Dave used to have this Nike sign on their bedroom door. The plan was to turn it upside down when the other was in the room with a girl. I came to visit once in April (near the end of the school year), and I took down the Nike sign. There was a dust imprint left of the Nike logo on their door - it hadn't been moved in so long.
Now do another test. Go up to any random ass fucking white dude at Juilliard; in fact, the uglier the better. Pick the ugliest white dude you can find. Ask him how long it's been since he's been with an Asian girl.
If he doesn't say something along the lines of, "oh a week ago", or "I'm actually with one right now", I'll eat my own feces, for sure. I'll eat every one of those nasty ass Salmon roe eggs, no joke. I'll run through the security terminal at JFK, no doubt. I'll learn yoga, bend over, and suck my own dick; without question.
At any rate, I digress.
True story: Just yesterday I was having coffee at Starbucks with my good friend Geoff. We were talking about this complex phenomenon in huge detail. Basically, we were patting each other on the back and rubbing each others shoulders. Out of the blue walks by the most gorgeous Korean girl you've ever seen in your life. She looks like she came straight out of heaven - it was one of those moments where on TV, it would have shot to complete slow motion and a cheese-ridden soundtrack. And as if to add the one-two punch, right beside her, hand in hand, stood the ugliest white guy you've ever seen.
We got a whiff of his B.O when he walked by.
Cultural phenomenons rarely appear so tangibly bi-coastal, yet these days, it's getting more complex to self-materialize a lucid distinction between the Asian I am and the Asian I was. I come back to the West coast, and suddenly I'm this big pussy cuz I stand funny at a fucking phone booth. (Fuck you guys) The coastal differences between Asians living on the two coasts engender themselves in ways I guess I never fully realized. I never thought I had changed that much. But I guess I have.
Asian girls on the east coast, and the white boy:
This phenomenon will never change. I truly believe it. I don't have to write much on it, because I know everybody reading this has their own opinions. So I'll get right to the point.
Asian girls on the east coast will always go for the white boy. The more busted, the better. If he's unsuccesful, that's awesome. That makes him more attractive. If he's ugly, he's perfect. If he smells like body odor from a diseased scavenger, he's God. As long as he's got white skin.
As I've said time and time before: a tall, good looking, church-going, successful, rich Asian boy will always lose to his white counterpart: rude, ugly, foul-smelling, unsuccessful, lazy, ridden with a yellow-fever fetish.
Such is our life. Or mine.
Every girl I've ever dated, every girl I've ever hooked up with, every girl I've ever liked: is now interested or dating some fucking busted white boy. Is this a coincidence? Is it my fault? Am I a victim of culture? Do I perpetuate the racial divide? Am I just unlucky? Or are Asian girls just bitches?....for the time being, I'll be safe, and assume the latter.
Many Asian girls will tell you it's because they want a "real man". That Asian boys are pussies, and we're shy and timid. We don't approach them.
To this I say: suck a dick, bitch. Anybody who knows me or any of my friends know that I am not a fucking pussy. And neither are any of my Asian friends. Your lame ass excuses don't work.
I know this dude named Eugene. Very good friend of mine. He's pretty much the perfect Korean guy: he gets along with the boys, he's one of the chillest guys I know, he's in the No. 2 Med school about to become a doctor, he's good looking, he speaks fluent Korean, he gets along with both whities and asians, he goes to church, and parents love him. And he drinks like a fucking fish.
Ask him sometime how long it's been since he's had a girl. Or on that note, how many girls he's had in his lifetime.
In college, he and his roommate Dave used to have this Nike sign on their bedroom door. The plan was to turn it upside down when the other was in the room with a girl. I came to visit once in April (near the end of the school year), and I took down the Nike sign. There was a dust imprint left of the Nike logo on their door - it hadn't been moved in so long.
Now do another test. Go up to any random ass fucking white dude at Juilliard; in fact, the uglier the better. Pick the ugliest white dude you can find. Ask him how long it's been since he's been with an Asian girl.
If he doesn't say something along the lines of, "oh a week ago", or "I'm actually with one right now", I'll eat my own feces, for sure. I'll eat every one of those nasty ass Salmon roe eggs, no joke. I'll run through the security terminal at JFK, no doubt. I'll learn yoga, bend over, and suck my own dick; without question.
At any rate, I digress.
True story: Just yesterday I was having coffee at Starbucks with my good friend Geoff. We were talking about this complex phenomenon in huge detail. Basically, we were patting each other on the back and rubbing each others shoulders. Out of the blue walks by the most gorgeous Korean girl you've ever seen in your life. She looks like she came straight out of heaven - it was one of those moments where on TV, it would have shot to complete slow motion and a cheese-ridden soundtrack. And as if to add the one-two punch, right beside her, hand in hand, stood the ugliest white guy you've ever seen.
We got a whiff of his B.O when he walked by.
As many of you know, this has been one of the longest weeks of my life. But it's over, and at that, time to get back to work.
As I seem to be gaining already a significantly notorious reputation for colleague-plagiarism: "this weekend felt like one of those dreams where you revisit high school or college and nothing has changed." (Stanley Lee) But on the real, there's no better way to put it. Every so often, the poetic pansy inside all of us grabs a particular vein of nostalgic intensity, and I think this last weekend served as a reminder that college (and for me, that means my FIRST undergrad) will always be the most memorable. Where we learned to be who we'll be for the rest of our lives.
I feel at home.
Thank you: jeff/stan/jerome/steve/ryan/jm/jerry/dave/geoff/eugene/alex/alex/allen/garrick/jaakko/jimmy/anwar/steve/kevin
Whether you knew it or not, you boys were all there when I needed you most.
As I seem to be gaining already a significantly notorious reputation for colleague-plagiarism: "this weekend felt like one of those dreams where you revisit high school or college and nothing has changed." (Stanley Lee) But on the real, there's no better way to put it. Every so often, the poetic pansy inside all of us grabs a particular vein of nostalgic intensity, and I think this last weekend served as a reminder that college (and for me, that means my FIRST undergrad) will always be the most memorable. Where we learned to be who we'll be for the rest of our lives.
I feel at home.
Thank you: jeff/stan/jerome/steve/ryan/jm/jerry/dave/geoff/eugene/alex/alex/allen/garrick/jaakko/jimmy/anwar/steve/kevin
Whether you knew it or not, you boys were all there when I needed you most.
Jul 9, 2006
Jun 9, 2006
In California now, leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning, back to NYC on Sunday, and on to the Hamptons by Wednesday. Hit me up.
"With soldier Josh protecting me from enemies abroad and lawyer Drew defending me in the courtroom, when and if I have, in a paroxysm of pedagogical enthusiasm, murdered one of my students, I'll feel beautifully carefree."
-Jerome Lowenthal, my teacher.
"With soldier Josh protecting me from enemies abroad and lawyer Drew defending me in the courtroom, when and if I have, in a paroxysm of pedagogical enthusiasm, murdered one of my students, I'll feel beautifully carefree."
-Jerome Lowenthal, my teacher.
May 19, 2006
An hour ago, I finished my first year (of 29 or so remaining years) at Juilliard. Never have I so palpably encountered such a tangible definition of "busy." Apologies for the blogging drought - I hope to be better in the coming months.
On a side note:
Congratulations to Stanley Lee, on his recent graduation from graduate school.
Congratulations to Earl Lee, on his recent appointment as the newest member of the prestigious conductorless ensemble, the Sejong Soloists.
Congratulations to Kyle Armbrust, on his recent appointment to the A Sublist of the Philadelphia Orchestra.
Congratulations and good luck to Gilles VonSattel, on making the finals of the Dublin International Piano Competition
On a side note:
Congratulations to Stanley Lee, on his recent graduation from graduate school.
Congratulations to Earl Lee, on his recent appointment as the newest member of the prestigious conductorless ensemble, the Sejong Soloists.
Congratulations to Kyle Armbrust, on his recent appointment to the A Sublist of the Philadelphia Orchestra.
Congratulations and good luck to Gilles VonSattel, on making the finals of the Dublin International Piano Competition
Apr 3, 2006
Mar 21, 2006
You Harvardites crack me up. The following is an email reply to a rejection letter sent by friend Wei-jen.
---Original Message---
From: Resume
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 4:21pm
To: wjyuan@fas.harvard.edu
Subject: Trade Associate Follow-up
Thank you for your interest in the Trade Associate opportunity with Company X. Unfortunately, we are unable to extend an interview to you at this time, but we will keep your resume on file for future consideration. Best of luck in your career endeavors.
*********************************************
Dear Company X,
Thank you for your extremely prompt reply. I will, however, politely decline your decision to deny me an interview, as this best suits my career path at this moment. Additionally, I have a question about your policy for future consideration: I find it hard to believe that a firm as prestigious and as well known as yours would reconsider an applicant that you've already previously denied. Does Company X actually reconsider applicants in the future or is this just a cheap tagline that you use to soften the life-shattering reality of an interview decline? As you may know, mastering the art of interviewing is a developmental and incremental process that I look forward to. Not only do I enjoy meeting new company recruiters, but I also enjoy practicing my interviewing skills. Thus, to me, the joys of interviewing are as pleasurable as a wet fart. I would love to better understand the rather superficial cordial exchanges in the business world, such as those in your email, as I am only an outside observer of the finance world with non-applicable and non-demanded musical skills; so as to better acquaint myself with the colloquialism of the business world in the near future. Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you!
Best,
Wei-Jen Yuan
---Original Message---
From: Resume
Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 4:21pm
To: wjyuan@fas.harvard.edu
Subject: Trade Associate Follow-up
Thank you for your interest in the Trade Associate opportunity with Company X. Unfortunately, we are unable to extend an interview to you at this time, but we will keep your resume on file for future consideration. Best of luck in your career endeavors.
*********************************************
Dear Company X,
Thank you for your extremely prompt reply. I will, however, politely decline your decision to deny me an interview, as this best suits my career path at this moment. Additionally, I have a question about your policy for future consideration: I find it hard to believe that a firm as prestigious and as well known as yours would reconsider an applicant that you've already previously denied. Does Company X actually reconsider applicants in the future or is this just a cheap tagline that you use to soften the life-shattering reality of an interview decline? As you may know, mastering the art of interviewing is a developmental and incremental process that I look forward to. Not only do I enjoy meeting new company recruiters, but I also enjoy practicing my interviewing skills. Thus, to me, the joys of interviewing are as pleasurable as a wet fart. I would love to better understand the rather superficial cordial exchanges in the business world, such as those in your email, as I am only an outside observer of the finance world with non-applicable and non-demanded musical skills; so as to better acquaint myself with the colloquialism of the business world in the near future. Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you!
Best,
Wei-Jen Yuan
Mar 12, 2006
I quit poker. For a long time. The ups and downs are too much on my emotional system. I feel like a war-of-attrition-torn embittered soldier emerging from the groggy bomb-ridden trenches, having barely survived off a hard-boiled egg on top of salt-covered spam for three days. And pocket aces? Fuck that hand.
On a funnier note, I came across the funniest break-up note today I've ever read. Thanks Vicky for the plug.
Brad,
- It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am trulytruly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
Dear Elizabeth,
- Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
- To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she'sseeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint ofanyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand jobin the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
- By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
On a funnier note, I came across the funniest break-up note today I've ever read. Thanks Vicky for the plug.
Brad,
- It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am trulytruly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
- It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you.
- It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.
- Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that. I am so sorry.
-Elizabeth
RESPONSEDear Elizabeth,
- Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
- To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she'sseeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint ofanyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand jobin the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
- By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Mar 3, 2006
In South Carolina now - the wealthy haven of alligator-infested golf courses, where the definition of 'diversity' is limited to bragging about a community that includes a Jew and a Bulgarian lesbian, both of whom are treated like the 3-legged lepers from the un-cool sorority.
I know I haven't been up to date with my blogging, and to those of you who have no idea what's going on in my life, I apologize. Nothing much has changed, though my ridiculous obsession with karaoke has been passionately replaced by the game of poker - yes, I am already an official member of the All-In poker club, the shady 1-2 tables down on 38th St. Rekhanize.
I seem to have faint recollections about a million subjects I wanted to write about but unfortunately, none of them come to mind. I'll update later.
I know I haven't been up to date with my blogging, and to those of you who have no idea what's going on in my life, I apologize. Nothing much has changed, though my ridiculous obsession with karaoke has been passionately replaced by the game of poker - yes, I am already an official member of the All-In poker club, the shady 1-2 tables down on 38th St. Rekhanize.
I seem to have faint recollections about a million subjects I wanted to write about but unfortunately, none of them come to mind. I'll update later.
Feb 3, 2006
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